WITH CHILDREN: Listen, and you won't hear a pin drop

Creating the appropriate dialogue with teens and especially young adults who have crossed the bridge from "adulting" (current term by the bottom curve of Millennial) to land in the planet of responsibility and accountability can be a shock to some, depending upon the type of parenting they've received.

Looking at my life over the past couple of weeks

facing the uncertainty of what may lay ahead

where before if there were uncertainty, we talked it through together.

Right now, that is not an option

as my husband lies in critical care at the best hospital in the universe (ref:  www.bafound.org ) acclaimed among peers, heavily sedated and kept paralyzed to avoid more vasospasms REF: Wikipedia ::...

I've become reflective as a means of coping

Answering on Quora gives me the opportunity to give my opinions based on my own experiences.  Taken at face value.  No acknowledgement or acclaim other than some votes.

The one challenge that Millennial populace share is the ability to ask for or heed advice.  The stronger, more centrally planted know who and how to reach out for advice without hesitation.  

When one puts into perspective the parenting most Millennial have is their is a strong likelihood their parents were on the bottom curve of Baby Boomers, barely a blip before the slight hilly curve of GenX emerged.  

1960-61 was one of the worst years in history to be born:  squeezed mightily by Baby Boomers on the one side, with their Millennial children imploding on the other:  whom I dub us "The INbetweeners" and evolved a blog talking about YUPPYdom:  the attitude of those beginning to adult in the 1980s to beginning to have the start of the Millennial generation starting in 1989.



1961:  the same year Obama was born ::... squeezed by the free era of free love, drugs & rock n roll baby boomer older siblings>  We have a unique perspective by those who are never afraid of expressing their opinion, less possible to be heard from the noise of the bigger, louder generation of Baby Boomers. 

Listening to your children is the best gift you can give them ... and this is coming from someone who is affectionately called "Chatty Cathy" by the love of my life:  Hunkster Hubster.

Yet all those times, hours, I sat among the kids, their friends, I was really listening to them.  What was going on in their world:  their guffaws and giggles and snorts when I confirmed that I was pretty isolated in some ways as a child.

What evolved was really being talked to:  hopes, dreams, drama, dilemmas going on in their world.  Since my answers often came across as goofy and naive, the rave of laughter was roaring in our home.  That's about when the Hunkster Hubster would puff out his chest and give his take on the matter, in a nutshell, with very few words, spoken in either his very soft voice that made people strain to hear him forcing them to really listen .... or he could boom out a command that filled the house up echoing from the walls.  If it was a cliche movie theme, Buddy would be howling in the background! 

I don't think there was any question among our motley crew of dreamers, schemers and believers that they could have an important conversation with their parents; their parental unit as it was at most time, togetherness, on the same wavelength.  It became interesting when everyone was contributing ideas, debating ideals.

The Hunkster Hubster and I were both born in 1961.  There is a level of understanding, belief systems ingrained in us that really makes us uniquely opposite in so many ways, while harmoniously in sink in others.  Especially the importance of children.

From that unified approach, it has guided us when we felt there were few answers.  Like now.  It's just sad that I can't share it with him right now.

ON CHILDREN: Lead by example

Quora.com invites me with increasing regularity to answer questions on relationships.  It is the least I can do:  share my own perspective and advice on parenting.  

I'm qualified:  I have 4 children:  3 girls and 1 boy.  Blended 2nd marriage to the "Hunkster Hubster" who often joins me in these discussions and when asked gives his perspective often.  Everyone in our family values his point of view and his judgement.

So, here is what I was asked to answer with the following my response:

 My daughter is 13 years old. She is an only child who cares much about what her peers think of her. When do I talk to her about sex and how do I approach it?


My first child (of 4) is the only boy.

As his mother, I read all the notes that came home and what curriculum was being covered. When I knew it was being covered shortly, I asked him conversationally if he knew about what was coming up in Health (where sex education falls under here in my part of Canada).
I made him a deal. I said that if he had any questions that he wanted to ask me instead of among his classmates he could.

It was an uncomfortable question. I answered it after clarifying a bunch of things to see where his understanding was or where he may be coming from. That was almost worse.

I answered honestly and it didn’t become a big deal.

NOTE: Any 13 year old girl for generations  rates peer acceptance as critical at this age  — only child, one of many — same thing.

Sex probably isn’t even on the table, if at all, she just does obsess and worry about what her/his peers think of her/him. 

 I’d be more concerned if it was a girl and it was boys, boys, boys about everything with little friendships among female peers.

If she wants to look good and not stand out. That’s normal.  She notices how other kids dress and wants to fit in.  (Him/her)

I would be more concerned with asking her questions that can help you identify her self-image — what may be/have influenced her perception of a positive self-image?

It is likely girls with low self-esteem are more susceptible to doing things with boys that is questionable rather than those busy with sports, extra-curricular activities, hobbies, activities, strong family ties.

Talking about sex didn’t surface until the girls were around 16 — where parental permission was still required for tattoos, piercings — which was a far more important discussion at the time than birth control.

If you worry about sex in an unwanted pregnancy kind of way, then you can go at an angle of annual physical check ups, especially around 15, on whether she would be needing any sort of birth control. (Standard response by abstaining girls: “Geez Mom/Dad that’s gross!”)

You could schedule to meet the school counselor to seek advice on when or how to broach the subject of sex with one’s child. They should be able to give you multitudes of resources: books to reads, website links.

With three girls, two years apart, with the youngest watching, taking in what the older two are talking about, ears open, who liked to report their goings on to me and ask her own questions.

Is there a boy in the picture? That is a bell ringing, as in your door bell. I kept steadfast rules for all: if they were going on a date or out with a boy, he had to come to the house to pick her up, to give us a chance to meet the lucky guy. There are likely signs that you’re picking up on that may challenge you to ask whether there was anything that needed asking or concerned about beyond what is scary for any parent.

Fingers crossed you have a warm, open, dialogue with any kid, so they will be comfortable with your inquiry for their well being, not inquisitive inquisition, or on the ready to pounce and start preaching. At 13, they tend to do the thing that is the most likely to bug you.

Remember, you are setting an example and providing the observance for a child. Heed your own actions and give them the right foundation to expect from healthy, loving relationships between boys and girls in the right circumstance and all the proper reasons.

COMMENTS on the story: Virtue & Moir 2 play tribute 2 Gord Downey as a statement to Canada

The source of the HUFFPOST story: https://www.spot.im/s/00RMETHD2yGO

Oh heavenly devine angels to share an ode to Canadians so proud!

Thank you for this wonderful tribute

that shows our character as a nation

we stand together

one and all.

We unite together

across many divisive factors other geographies cannot comprehend

Being at peace with our neighbor,

reach out a hand if you feel it is needed.

The reaching hand of humanity, no divisive color or race or defining character

is allowed to belong

It is the faith of this one nation that seems to send a ray of hope

shining brightly from the inside

with pride [ not ego ] humanitarian peace and a kinder world

void of catastrophe or calamity or violence

With the unified strength and ability to reach out a hand to the world

as naturally as we've learned to live together.

In a peaceful, proud nation, of diverse peoples and bruised history

we will always stand together

when it is time to step up and say:

(NOT this country or that culture or some race)

ONE COUNTRY

Creating a future for our children and their children

to build upon the foundation of the strength

we've relied upon.

Not infallible, without human shame, and all other unimaginables

Yet that sense of optimism that joins us all

For all of US command!

xo Jeannette

we ARE stronger than we think #METOO #TIMESUP

A reflection....

Indeedly as the English are known to say :  

Ironic?  Yes I’d say.

If you follow my blog and social media blurts and visuals [ art € music videos € photography € learning € knowledge € history € geography € writing € events € stories orchestrated under one name: optioneerJM @optioneerjm +optioneerJM with a few spinoffs that can reflect my mood.

In the above image and a reflection.... I was ready to write about something, inspired to make a statement more often on meanderingsABOUT more closely linked to mostly family and a few friends.

I use iffttt to link among some worthy accounts that I find I would #RT (= reTweet on @Twitter - reshare £ repost £ comment.  One all time favourite @Mashable appears in my Twitter feed and can consistently count on being ❤️ ( symbol for liking something on Twitter and InstaGram ).  

: Sidebar

Both @Twitter 

& @InstaGram

use the numeric 

at “@“ symbol

Among the handful of loyal followers is my chief cheerleader: my Mom, Marie [ she may have lassoed my Godmother, Joanne to read it at least once ], they don’t necessarily participate on Social Media thus some of the sidebars give an explanation in my own words and interpretation.

I definitely had strong opinions on the #MeToo movement that materialized ... I just didn’t write.  I’ve been somewhat distracted by the army of therapists up to three times Monday to Friday guiding my hubby’s recovery from home base.  That and getting caught up on my own medical and dental appointments that strikes more frequently after you pass fifty. [ Not to mention how expensive living in the metropolis of Calgary aka “Cowtown” is.  

: sidebar

Calgary is the Canadian capital city

of oil & gas corporate headquarters.

Also, home to the controversial 

TransCanada Pipelines 

(overseer of Keystone Pipeline)

Price at the pump

$1.34/Litre 

Where unemployment has struck so many families, our arrogant city representatives vote to spend more money on pitching to host a future Olympics and handing out tax payer dollars to nonCalgarians, more often not even Canadians, for structures rammed down our throats ... both examples of that home town, hospitable host reputation completely eroded under the leadership of self-interest and leveraged attention deflected towards the one self.

Ironic isn’t it that it would be a year ago as a wake up call that things were a changing in so many ways that 50 something somehow survive to only be challenged perseverance and strength.

I can definitely say that I have rarely stay quiet over bad manners.  Except I redirect to be when I have something helpful ¥ constructive ¥ knowledgeability ¥ positive ¥ informative things to say.

I must have taken a deep breath and a step back which is often how I cope with negativity.

Do opposites attract?

Or, are we more alike than we’d like to think?

Place a ball or stick in a boy’s hands and out pops his basic instinct to hit with it .... like a club.

He could resort to cheering on a fight Or loyally brave watching it with hi-fives.

Threaten a girl in any way you may find she is a lot stronger than she looks.

Many men failed to recognize a strong mind can out power physical strength.

Both have power.

In a perfect world, a woman would be promoted on performance not sucked into

the downward spiral she can’t possibly win.

Gassed by toxic surroundings, choking and gasping for breath

from the draft of sexual harassment or competive alpha female foes.

What is most amazing is what females are equally guilty of:

Jumping into offensive mode