Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts

Saturday, March 3, 2018

A MOM's BRAG BOOK of her four Millennial hipsters, happeners, hopesters

None of my kids read any of my blogs
so it is pretty near 100% guaranteed that it is true.  However, my one daughter told me that at least one of her friends reads this blog Out of the 6 or 7 blogs that I curate and/or I write about varying topics that interest me or developed or furthering knowledge on something that grabs me.

Having grown up conversations with a daughter is a new and wonderful experience.  How far we've both grown from a nervous wreck of a mother, tasked with an ailing son who needed additional care and attention while she was a bright shining star, oozing with talent from every pore.  

A mother's gift is sometimes recognizing the gift in her children.  Why else would Elvis Presley's mom have been the subject of his first recording?  A miracle talent nurtured and encouraged by a mother's love.  There are far too few examples shared in the world these days.  

SIDEBAR:  (I haven't done one of these for quite some time, ahem) ... what I'd like to find somewhere to read about or watch a written for TV series on Ivana Trump's influence on her daughter's beauty, grace, composed and elegant carriage.  There is a girl who was taught graciousness, humility and manners without a hint or trace of malice or arrogance, nor attesting to a special station in life.  

Then there is Prince William, agonizingly losing his mother (whom I often am outstandingly astonished at his gift of connecting with people of all ages, races, genders placing aside whatever other conceivable dividers there are and bridging gaps.  Leading by example.


I came to blog here and discovered this had not been posted (above) so I went hunting for some photos or art that would convey the feeling, vibe and message of what I have written.


Since I am not 100% myself, feeling anxious about the future with Rob, praying that there is a future no matter what the circumstances:  for better or worse vows of 11 years ago.  

Thoughts are floating and I'm not trying to stifle them.  Acceptance that downsizing to a bungalow would be practical.  Even comparing facilities/condos in Calgary and Edmonton for 55 + which I had really only come to realize.

Denial of sorts.  
It seems like any step in any direction that is not 100% tied to Rob's current condition, is stopped.  One day, one minute, one report at a time.

I may float other photos out that I may just be able to get away with under the radar from the kids.  Pick your moments, not your battles.  Allows a calmness that you may not think you possess.

Rebel nerds

Easter 2015

Nephew Shawn and son Kyle 

Adulting dinner out 

First selfie with youngest daughter 

Changing hairdos reflect changing attitudes.

Only Uncle & Only Nephew 

Understands values, is loyal and treats other kindly

BEST female Gamer ever! (HINT:  this is her gamer meme character)

Pretty as her picture, kindness at her core

A kind daughter, generous sister and supportive friend

A thinker

A doer

She is who she is (note comfy shoes and glasses on)

Romantic, happily married Newlyweds 

Living life face on

WITH CHILDREN: Listen, and you won't hear a pin drop

Creating the appropriate dialogue with teens and especially young adults who have crossed the bridge from "adulting" (current term by the bottom curve of Millennial) to land in the planet of responsibility and accountability can be a shock to some, depending upon the type of parenting they've received.

Looking at my life over the past couple of weeks

facing the uncertainty of what may lay ahead

where before if there were uncertainty, we talked it through together.

Right now, that is not an option

as my husband lies in critical care at the best hospital in the universe (ref: ) acclaimed among peers, heavily sedated and kept paralyzed to avoid more vasospasms REF: Wikipedia ::...

I've become reflective as a means of coping

Answering on Quora gives me the opportunity to give my opinions based on my own experiences.  Taken at face value.  No acknowledgement or acclaim other than some votes.

The one challenge that Millennial populace share is the ability to ask for or heed advice.  The stronger, more centrally planted know who and how to reach out for advice without hesitation.  

When one puts into perspective the parenting most Millennial have is their is a strong likelihood their parents were on the bottom curve of Baby Boomers, barely a blip before the slight hilly curve of GenX emerged.  

1960-61 was one of the worst years in history to be born:  squeezed mightily by Baby Boomers on the one side, with their Millennial children imploding on the other:  whom I dub us "The INbetweeners" and evolved a blog talking about YUPPYdom:  the attitude of those beginning to adult in the 1980s to beginning to have the start of the Millennial generation starting in 1989.

1961:  the same year Obama was born ::... squeezed by the free era of free love, drugs & rock n roll baby boomer older siblings>  We have a unique perspective by those who are never afraid of expressing their opinion, less possible to be heard from the noise of the bigger, louder generation of Baby Boomers. 

Listening to your children is the best gift you can give them ... and this is coming from someone who is affectionately called "Chatty Cathy" by the love of my life:  Hunkster Hubster.

Yet all those times, hours, I sat among the kids, their friends, I was really listening to them.  What was going on in their world:  their guffaws and giggles and snorts when I confirmed that I was pretty isolated in some ways as a child.

What evolved was really being talked to:  hopes, dreams, drama, dilemmas going on in their world.  Since my answers often came across as goofy and naive, the rave of laughter was roaring in our home.  That's about when the Hunkster Hubster would puff out his chest and give his take on the matter, in a nutshell, with very few words, spoken in either his very soft voice that made people strain to hear him forcing them to really listen .... or he could boom out a command that filled the house up echoing from the walls.  If it was a cliche movie theme, Buddy would be howling in the background! 

I don't think there was any question among our motley crew of dreamers, schemers and believers that they could have an important conversation with their parents; their parental unit as it was at most time, togetherness, on the same wavelength.  It became interesting when everyone was contributing ideas, debating ideals.

The Hunkster Hubster and I were both born in 1961.  There is a level of understanding, belief systems ingrained in us that really makes us uniquely opposite in so many ways, while harmoniously in sink in others.  Especially the importance of children.

From that unified approach, it has guided us when we felt there were few answers.  Like now.  It's just sad that I can't share it with him right now.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

ON CHILDREN: Lead by example invites me with increasing regularity to answer questions on relationships.  It is the least I can do:  share my own perspective and advice on parenting.  

I'm qualified:  I have 4 children:  3 girls and 1 boy.  Blended 2nd marriage to the "Hunkster Hubster" who often joins me in these discussions and when asked gives his perspective often.  Everyone in our family values his point of view and his judgement.

So, here is what I was asked to answer with the following my response:

 My daughter is 13 years old. She is an only child who cares much about what her peers think of her. When do I talk to her about sex and how do I approach it?

My first child (of 4) is the only boy.

As his mother, I read all the notes that came home and what curriculum was being covered. When I knew it was being covered shortly, I asked him conversationally if he knew about what was coming up in Health (where sex education falls under here in my part of Canada).

I made him a deal. I said that if he had any questions that he wanted to ask me instead of among his classmates he could.

It was an uncomfortable question. I answered it after clarifying a bunch of things to see where his understanding was or where he may be coming from. That was almost worse.

I answered honestly and it didn’t become a big deal.

NOTE: Any 13 year old girl for generations  rates peer acceptance as critical at this age  — only child, one of many — same thing.

Sex probably isn’t even on the table, if at all, she just does obsess and worry about what her/his peers think of her/him. 

 I’d be more concerned if it was a girl and it was boys, boys, boys about everything with little friendships among female peers.

If she wants to look good and not stand out. That’s normal.  She notices how other kids dress and wants to fit in.  (Him/her)

I would be more concerned with asking her questions that can help you identify her self-image — what may be/have influenced her perception of a positive self-image?

It is likely girls with low self-esteem are more susceptible to doing things with boys that is questionable rather than those busy with sports, extra-curricular activities, hobbies, activities, strong family ties.

Talking about sex didn’t surface until the girls were around 16 — where parental permission was still required for tattoos, piercings — which was a far more important discussion at the time than birth control.

If you worry about sex in an unwanted pregnancy kind of way, then you can go at an angle of annual physical check ups, especially around 15, on whether she would be needing any sort of birth control. (Standard response by abstaining girls: “Geez Mom/Dad that’s gross!”)

You could schedule to meet the school counselor to seek advice on when or how to broach the subject of sex with one’s child. They should be able to give you multitudes of resources: books to reads, website links.

With three girls, two years apart, with the youngest watching, taking in what the older two are talking about, ears open, who liked to report their goings on to me and ask her own questions.

Is there a boy in the picture? That is a bell ringing, as in your door bell. I kept steadfast rules for all: if they were going on a date or out with a boy, he had to come to the house to pick her up, to give us a chance to meet the lucky guy. There are likely signs that you’re picking up on that may challenge you to ask whether there was anything that needed asking or concerned about beyond what is scary for any parent.

Fingers crossed you have a warm, open, dialogue with any kid, so they will be comfortable with your inquiry for their well being, not inquisitive inquisition, or on the ready to pounce and start preaching. At 13, they tend to do the thing that is the most likely to bug you.

Remember, you are setting an example and providing the observance for a child. Heed your own actions and give them the right foundation to expect from healthy, loving relationships between boys and girls in the right circumstance and all the proper reasons.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Lil bit of attitude

"Oh, my, this one has attitude!" exclamed the delivery nurse.  Who may have been saying "here's another one" to the tired, adrenaline-rushed parents of this newborn creation ..... of theirs.

 A mixture of disbelief and amazement as this gaze upon this near perfect little human girl.  Minutes from being in a warm, comfortable womb.  Indignant at the harsh introduction she hadn't anticipated she let out a howl.

This little beauty grew and grew:  and sang "take me out to the Ball Game" at a mere 16 months.  As a party favor, she blasted through the adults polite conversation, as their jaws dropped and gaped open at a special experience unfolded.  Discussion began.  How amazing is it that a little burst of energy could sing to the rafters, in such abandon, glorying in the musical flutes her own tonsils gave. Oblivious to the expressions of anyone around her.  She liked bursting out and singing.  Her abandon to anything akin to self-conscious expression.  The audience crossed between envy and awe.  How could such a little thing stand up, be so proud, and sing with such abandon?  At ONLY 16 months.

The parents who were always ready with a video camera were stunned into inaction.  The musical notes combined with gusto and self-exuberance.  How could they have created such a ... umm... creature?  Alas, it was a daughter.  They should have had their seat belts tightened.  Yet they didn't do anything. Why should they?  They weren't puppeteers, merely creators.  

They wondered, however, how can they take credit for such a beauty with such a powerful voice? 

As the little girl developed and continued to grow became as ever a sight to behold.  At 2, this confident, clever,  creation would insist that she was a princess.  Her hard-working mother and father fascinated, would wonder:  how could a princess be born and insist she was one.  They  were, although not average folk, wondered how they could be responsible for this envisioned little lady?  

Then, one day, when the father was away at work, slagging dragons called life and career, the mother bent over a captive keyboard for job.  A nanny, on call, living out, ever present, vacuuming the castle always to shine, was focussed on leaving a tread in the carpet, hadn't noticed her charge, who had transformed into an escapee to her mother's home office.  Sneaking in, quietly, taking and absorbing every last detail.  Alas, the mother noticed the scamp in her midst.  The little joy did ask: "Mommy, what are you doing?"

Lest the mother cause disillusionment of the responsibility of working and career, she tenderly said:  "I am working.  When you grown up, you will likely work too.  What is it that you think you'll do too?

The predictable reply did unfold "why, when I am grown up, I will be a princess!" Said with such convincement, less mortal men or mothers would never argue.  However, the mother did sigh.  She then glanced around, realizing that the King was not home nor was the princess' guard on command.

She did try to dispell the disillusionment which chance had burst, said to her darling daughter with such thirst, for life, for dreams, goals and confidence:  "why Sweetie, you will be princess when I am a queen!"  Rationalizing that being realistic of drastic importance.

Then to her utter dismay her daughter did respond:  "Why mommy, I didn't know that you were a queen!!"

The days grew onwards and upward the girl grew, when tragedy did brew.  The media, the news, the television, no matter how one flew, protested the death of a princess many thought they knew.

When dinner one day, was being prepared by her mother.  As the news and the television broadcast the cover:  A princess died while so many fed .. on the photos, paparazzi with the princess photos they led.  How sad to have such a wonderful soul cut short, would end up causing this young four-year-old lady to retort:  "That is so sad to hear about the princess."

The mother, astonished, that this little girl wisdom, attuned to the news and the stories that bloomed.  She asked her daughter, in parenting skills on high alert, how do you feel about this story?  The daughter said "Sad".  The mother now curious, nowhere near mad.  Asked her little one why would she say so.  When the gem said "well, I am a princess, so this one I should know".

This is a reflection of a mother, rediscovering the journey she started with her daughter.  She has just turned 23, in second year of university, dedicated to  fine arts, art history and philanthropy.  

A mother's pride never diminishes with age.  If anything, it flourishes as cheerleading captain of her daughter's journey.  

Happy Birthday sweet, beautiful daughter O mine.