Saturday, August 27, 2016

A double standard ?

The New York Times (credit)

I tend to skim across The New York Times stories that both the publishers and Google place upon my path as a customized choice of reading.  As I've meandered before, the more I click, scroll and share (retweet, share, like, comment, post, pin ...... ) the more juice I give Google and now it appears articles that are more likely to entice me to click, read more.  Very few insight me to want to comment and go even farther by blogging around it.  

Today, I did such a thing and clicked on this article tossed onto my path.  They wouldn't know that I was just hopping on for a quick look at something, and only spend five minutes at most.  

Most likely, family dynamics is top of mind with the wedding of my stepdaughter last weekend.  We talk about blended families, as if it is normal or not unusual, but until you are in the throws of unique coincidence that everything does pan out without less drama than the movie makers, writers or media want to let on.  We can have a huge event with everyone on their best behaviour and manners prevail.  What one would think should give comedic plots can actually be drama free and calm.  People relaxed, wary of the "others" but committed to keep the affair congenial so that the bride and groom are able to have a memorable occasions.

It is kinda nice that the drama is left to the screenwriters and authors to drum up in escaping for a the relief of comedy, spelled by belly jiggling laughter, and enrapture by dramatic tragedies and dysfunction of those on the screen or on the page (or screen).  

This article by The New York Times bid my read merely by its headline:  "Why Men Want to Marry Melanias and raise daughters like Ivanka".  It is an excellent read.  It is thought provoking and at its center distinguishes the traditional values so many are debating these days with all the violence and the public displays because of politics reinforced daily, if not hourly, or more, is bringing to the forefront the difference in values.  What I liked especially is how divorce, second marriages and blended families measure up with long-held marriage, defined in years, still with only one single child to be concerned with are so different.

What is the difference between a philandering man and a woman who lets her man get away with philandering I ask?  It's pretty hard to pick sides isn't it?  One isn't better than the other.

One showcases that despite the shortcomings of the parents, or father's infidelity can the kids, as byproducts, still end up firmly grounded, successful and looked up to by peers, elders alike.  I like to think my own kids demonstrate that they can actually end up as survivors and strong in their convictions and firmly planted and aligned to their own desires and goals.  It's like showing others that even if the parents' vows have been broken, the children were made and raised with love, understanding and support.

The article does have a very  interesting perspective to me personally.  I wonder how many of my followers agree?  Whether female or male, weigh in your thoughts please:  are you pro traditional values in your own home and marriages and pro climb and achievements for your daughter or daughters?  

I could blog on and on about this heavy topic that is being played out dramatically by the differences in the two campaigns:  Clinton versus Trump.  I start to meander as to whether Americans may vote according to values rather than any political rhetoric.  From the sounds of this article, Americans (Republicans or Democrats or Independents) forgive Trump's past digressions because of the great job he's done with having such awe inspiring offspring.  I'd hazard a guess, without any profound research undertaken, that children of a first marriage fair much better than the 2nd or 3rd marriages.  Tiffany Trump was merely okay comparatively speaking.  If she were a character in a book or screenplay she'd be the rebellious one who acts out her own insecurities by being louder, out there, fast lifestyle and notoriety born from being overshadowed by siblings and even parents that are amounting to some pretty hefty reputations.  To avoid pity, they take on a rock star lifestyle (that the media portrays, but not the real true lifestyle that I believe most rockstars lead:  normal, peaceful, loving lives and home that is achieved after a lot of roller coaster rides and growing up).

This article got me thinking and took a life of its own.  I wonder what others' perception of the article's accuracy is.  

No doubt, our world is evolving and our principles and values take a bumpy ride at times, for sure.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

In pursuit of excellence

Is the bar too high?

Do you often compare yourself to others::  beauty, looks, success, wealth, home, car, job?  Ahem, or career.

First, let me apologize because I was trying to sideswipe you to continue as if there hasn't been a few weeks since the last time I blogged.

Do we strive too far?

There comes a certain point in your life when you are at an event, more likely social, more alarming family ::.... and you just POP in your head!  Just like that with the zippy exclamation point (don't overdue it with multiples::.... that screams desperate for attention ....:: so you tend to ignore it or stop reading right there).

I found myself at my stepdaughter's wedding, as the "evil stepmother" I told everyone I was.  That was to downplay no input and my manners meter on high alert.   It became a time that because of my non role yet close observer of the past 12 years of the bride's life.

Try facing off two mother grizzly bears, it may not be pretty.  But manners prevailed and we treated each other with one acknowledgement and handshake (no hug and definitely no kiss to signify how genuine our gestures were).

Thankfully I'm no "other woman".   I came from picking up the pieces of a divorce and trying to make sure her kids were glued together.   I'm not even going to give it any respect and avoid saying that I'm the victim.  Because I was the woman in the marriage, the career magnifico, mom superior superwoman, and likely lastly wife.

At such a juncture in time and after 12 years, it would be misleading to not say that there was curiosity out there.  I mean, the "other woman" had had the chance to be involved this duo were, instead deciding to leap outta the picture to avoid the scandal that even not that many years ago would have been frowned upon.

So who was this mother and former wife?  I guess I wanted to see for myself and do what we do best we women, compare myself to this woman.  How pathetic when you think about it because I could not believe anyone would give up the chance to be married and committed to Rob for the awesome, thoughtful teddy bear he is.

I then decided to be less traditional::.... compare myself to the ex-wife, mother whom I played Head Coach for daughter ::..... most women wouldn't admit to it, be it they are the wrongee or the wrong doer, that they compare themselves to the other woman.  There are a lot of ridiculous benchmarks that just POP out there again.
  • Looks
  • Grooming
  • Manners
  • Poise
  • Success
  • Beauty
  • Clothes
  • Accessories
  • Jewellery
  • Shoes (did they match the purse?)
  • Any scarf, nail manicure, pedicure, evidence of formal fix er up
  • Body size, body shape, curvy, skinny, plump, thin
  • Make up, eyebrow shape and whether it needs plucking
  • Hair color, health, fried or gleaming?
  • Teeth white, whitener, straightened by braces or hidden behind veneers
  • Her kid(s) all of the above times however many kids
  • Work, stay-at-home mom, work-at-home mom, job, status, organization
I sorta apologize ::.... I got on a roll.  But the amazing part is that we can compute all of this information and filter it all to arrive at warning: "Threat" or "Possible Aly" ..... all under a minute.  The masters can talk while taking it all in and processing it all under the world's largest microprocessor:  the woman's mind.

I started my inventory differently.  I guess I wanted to be a bit unbiased and objective when I was comparing her now husband to my husband, her ex-husband.  (Yeah, I know, talking and writing like a woman who is processing information and spewing it out faster than any satellite network (aka faster than the largest telecommunications networks data).  Amazing eh?

I have to admit, I didn't think of it until only a couple of days ago:  Sunday.  The day after the wedding.  We women like to take in information, process it, exume it, but of all store information for later use so we can pull it out and extrapolate it, examine it, research it if need be, so that we have dissected it into the smallest of topics.  Then we speak to our mother, sister, brother, aunt, father, sister's best friend, brothers girlfriend, uncle, friend, acquaintances or therapy session.

I came out the lucky one.  My husband is awesome and he loves his family immensely.  That exuded from him in fumes, so light and almost vaporless.  I won't go on the scorn at her or ask her to give her head a shake.  Her new husband is a shell and only one quarter as interesting as my husband.  And that just about covers every area you can imagine, and the one you thought it implied.

I'll have to make up for being MIA the past few weeks by writing a little be more over the coming weeks.

Be healthy, be happy, and be hypercritical ...........:: LOL, checking to see if you're still with me ............::