The meaning of life: now, that IS a beautiful thing

READ THIS FIRST

I even amazed myself ... reading this almost a year later.  Really crowning the website I did launch over a year ago [ www.graFX.online ] and left stagnant less the original gusto that comes when an idea bursts forward and fights to find solid ground.  A central repository of all my blogs, depending open my knowledge (typically business, sales or social media as @optioneerJM and its affiliate blogspot blog of the same name all under the social media persona I created in and around 2008 when a champion friend, mentor and cheerleader, Donna deMan pushed me off the cliff into the stratosphere online, starting on Linked In, then branching out to TWITTER where I was so thankfully introduced to a group of early adopters of social media with a lot of class, talent, skill and some sort of charm or charisma that people became drawn to:  those are still the forefathers.  Maybe I'll do a blog and ask people who I think impacted and guided me about remembering me (if) or what they remember most about me .... that would be fun {INSERT} imaginary virtual assistant who hussles off an email to me to serve as a reminder and then adds it to her notes to cover during our weekly phone call [not to mention quarterly luncheon to touch base personally and address anything more sensitive, needing more personal attention than day to day "STUFF".  

Well, I dreamed of writing and wishing about eventually being able to be paid for what I do, and I'm happy to say I like the direction this is going.  An assembly of blogs from an average, yet bright, confident yet sensitive business lady with a twist of this whirlpool of stuff may have some value.  Putting it under one umbrella:  www.graFX.online allows me to give it all under one setting.  

It is a hobby though.  Not an occupation, more like a preoccupation or passion that would be more inline with who I am, not who others want me to be or think they know me to be.  An honest reflection under one transparent crystal chandelier of my life.  

I think I really like the sweet spot that I may have found in THE PUBLISHER:  creative writings that would otherwise a) be lost after it was a fleeting idea or b) be stifled because they wouldn't land softly in the more tumultuous life I lead only a year later from when this blog was written.

I like to think I sounded optimistic and embracing the age on the farther side of 50 and coasting towards 60, amid big waves and whitecaps hitting us at this moment when everything is suppose to be rosy. 

 
After witnessing my own parents marriage of more than 50 years of togetherness [and other times of hellishness] and ending up with a partner in life, legally professed as husband, a father to one and a stepfather to a few, ending up after one failed marriage attempt renewed with optimism when we vowed to create a family among all four, equally treated with fairness.  Fast forward 11 years later:  it lived more like a mythical horror epic in the last 9 weeks.  We all discovered that Rob was a big piece of the glue that made us all stick.  And that is a beautiful thing. 

WITH CHILDREN: Listen, and you won't hear a pin drop

Creating the appropriate dialogue with teens and especially young adults who have crossed the bridge from "adulting" (current term by the bottom curve of Millennial) to land in the planet of responsibility and accountability can be a shock to some, depending upon the type of parenting they've received.

Looking at my life over the past couple of weeks

facing the uncertainty of what may lay ahead

where before if there were uncertainty, we talked it through together.

Right now, that is not an option

as my husband lies in critical care at the best hospital in the universe (ref:  www.bafound.org ) acclaimed among peers, heavily sedated and kept paralyzed to avoid more vasospasms REF: Wikipedia ::...

I've become reflective as a means of coping

Answering on Quora gives me the opportunity to give my opinions based on my own experiences.  Taken at face value.  No acknowledgement or acclaim other than some votes.

The one challenge that Millennial populace share is the ability to ask for or heed advice.  The stronger, more centrally planted know who and how to reach out for advice without hesitation.  

When one puts into perspective the parenting most Millennial have is their is a strong likelihood their parents were on the bottom curve of Baby Boomers, barely a blip before the slight hilly curve of GenX emerged.  

1960-61 was one of the worst years in history to be born:  squeezed mightily by Baby Boomers on the one side, with their Millennial children imploding on the other:  whom I dub us "The INbetweeners" and evolved a blog talking about YUPPYdom:  the attitude of those beginning to adult in the 1980s to beginning to have the start of the Millennial generation starting in 1989.



1961:  the same year Obama was born ::... squeezed by the free era of free love, drugs & rock n roll baby boomer older siblings>  We have a unique perspective by those who are never afraid of expressing their opinion, less possible to be heard from the noise of the bigger, louder generation of Baby Boomers. 

Listening to your children is the best gift you can give them ... and this is coming from someone who is affectionately called "Chatty Cathy" by the love of my life:  Hunkster Hubster.

Yet all those times, hours, I sat among the kids, their friends, I was really listening to them.  What was going on in their world:  their guffaws and giggles and snorts when I confirmed that I was pretty isolated in some ways as a child.

What evolved was really being talked to:  hopes, dreams, drama, dilemmas going on in their world.  Since my answers often came across as goofy and naive, the rave of laughter was roaring in our home.  That's about when the Hunkster Hubster would puff out his chest and give his take on the matter, in a nutshell, with very few words, spoken in either his very soft voice that made people strain to hear him forcing them to really listen .... or he could boom out a command that filled the house up echoing from the walls.  If it was a cliche movie theme, Buddy would be howling in the background! 

I don't think there was any question among our motley crew of dreamers, schemers and believers that they could have an important conversation with their parents; their parental unit as it was at most time, togetherness, on the same wavelength.  It became interesting when everyone was contributing ideas, debating ideals.

The Hunkster Hubster and I were both born in 1961.  There is a level of understanding, belief systems ingrained in us that really makes us uniquely opposite in so many ways, while harmoniously in sink in others.  Especially the importance of children.

From that unified approach, it has guided us when we felt there were few answers.  Like now.  It's just sad that I can't share it with him right now.

ON CHILDREN: Lead by example

Quora.com invites me with increasing regularity to answer questions on relationships.  It is the least I can do:  share my own perspective and advice on parenting.  

I'm qualified:  I have 4 children:  3 girls and 1 boy.  Blended 2nd marriage to the "Hunkster Hubster" who often joins me in these discussions and when asked gives his perspective often.  Everyone in our family values his point of view and his judgement.

So, here is what I was asked to answer with the following my response:

 My daughter is 13 years old. She is an only child who cares much about what her peers think of her. When do I talk to her about sex and how do I approach it?


My first child (of 4) is the only boy.

As his mother, I read all the notes that came home and what curriculum was being covered. When I knew it was being covered shortly, I asked him conversationally if he knew about what was coming up in Health (where sex education falls under here in my part of Canada).
I made him a deal. I said that if he had any questions that he wanted to ask me instead of among his classmates he could.

It was an uncomfortable question. I answered it after clarifying a bunch of things to see where his understanding was or where he may be coming from. That was almost worse.

I answered honestly and it didn’t become a big deal.

NOTE: Any 13 year old girl for generations  rates peer acceptance as critical at this age  — only child, one of many — same thing.

Sex probably isn’t even on the table, if at all, she just does obsess and worry about what her/his peers think of her/him. 

 I’d be more concerned if it was a girl and it was boys, boys, boys about everything with little friendships among female peers.

If she wants to look good and not stand out. That’s normal.  She notices how other kids dress and wants to fit in.  (Him/her)

I would be more concerned with asking her questions that can help you identify her self-image — what may be/have influenced her perception of a positive self-image?

It is likely girls with low self-esteem are more susceptible to doing things with boys that is questionable rather than those busy with sports, extra-curricular activities, hobbies, activities, strong family ties.

Talking about sex didn’t surface until the girls were around 16 — where parental permission was still required for tattoos, piercings — which was a far more important discussion at the time than birth control.

If you worry about sex in an unwanted pregnancy kind of way, then you can go at an angle of annual physical check ups, especially around 15, on whether she would be needing any sort of birth control. (Standard response by abstaining girls: “Geez Mom/Dad that’s gross!”)

You could schedule to meet the school counselor to seek advice on when or how to broach the subject of sex with one’s child. They should be able to give you multitudes of resources: books to reads, website links.

With three girls, two years apart, with the youngest watching, taking in what the older two are talking about, ears open, who liked to report their goings on to me and ask her own questions.

Is there a boy in the picture? That is a bell ringing, as in your door bell. I kept steadfast rules for all: if they were going on a date or out with a boy, he had to come to the house to pick her up, to give us a chance to meet the lucky guy. There are likely signs that you’re picking up on that may challenge you to ask whether there was anything that needed asking or concerned about beyond what is scary for any parent.

Fingers crossed you have a warm, open, dialogue with any kid, so they will be comfortable with your inquiry for their well being, not inquisitive inquisition, or on the ready to pounce and start preaching. At 13, they tend to do the thing that is the most likely to bug you.

Remember, you are setting an example and providing the observance for a child. Heed your own actions and give them the right foundation to expect from healthy, loving relationships between boys and girls in the right circumstance and all the proper reasons.

COMMENTS on the story: Virtue & Moir 2 play tribute 2 Gord Downey as a statement to Canada

The source of the HUFFPOST story: https://www.spot.im/s/00RMETHD2yGO

Oh heavenly devine angels to share an ode to Canadians so proud!

Thank you for this wonderful tribute

that shows our character as a nation

we stand together

one and all.

We unite together

across many divisive factors other geographies cannot comprehend

Being at peace with our neighbor,

reach out a hand if you feel it is needed.

The reaching hand of humanity, no divisive color or race or defining character

is allowed to belong

It is the faith of this one nation that seems to send a ray of hope

shining brightly from the inside

with pride [ not ego ] humanitarian peace and a kinder world

void of catastrophe or calamity or violence

With the unified strength and ability to reach out a hand to the world

as naturally as we've learned to live together.

In a peaceful, proud nation, of diverse peoples and bruised history

we will always stand together

when it is time to step up and say:

(NOT this country or that culture or some race)

ONE COUNTRY

Creating a future for our children and their children

to build upon the foundation of the strength

we've relied upon.

Not infallible, without human shame, and all other unimaginables

Yet that sense of optimism that joins us all

For all of US command!

xo Jeannette

A very unmotherly sentiment

Just great.
Thanks A-lot!
Good on ya.
Super-de-duper!
Sw-eeeeeet-!
Niccccccccccce (c's sound like "ssss")

And all that jazz

It isn't enough that I'm having trouble sleeping, I log online and start surfing and reading.  Sleep disorder specialists recommend you stay especially away from computers.  Well, the Solitaire was hypnotic, but didn't make me sleepier.  I'm dog gone tired!

Read this:  Made to feel like a bad mother for not having a job

I wasn't coming to read about being a loser, I came here to get some grainage in me:  i.e.  information.  

What I want for Mother's Day (you can get a T-shirt)

These days, as one is almost feeling like they are drowning as life whirls around and like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz except my Toto is Buddy, a gal's best friend.  

My favorite series that I just gobbled up has been Curb Your Enthusiasm with the immensely popular creator of "Seinfelt" bumblings and confrontations brought to the forefront so many of our failings with expectations, rules, conventions, even poking fun at his own religion in equal doses of jabs to the Catholic community.  With wit and taste, I might add.  Sometimes quirky, sometimes unrelateable for a gal from Calgary, Canada yet at other times like glimpsing a twin! 

Then I get some notice, perhaps a share from somewhere on this article, inspiring a share.  Quite the controversial topic if you ask me.  Have a look/read:  

Then I get a notice that someone added me to a list that had "pre-launch" in it so I had to Tweet to find out what the dealio is, to coddle my curious mind (yeah, I know, at 2:30am what can possibly be more curious than a pillow ).

This whole cycle started by me sharing this article on "MYnewsSTORYofTHEday" board on Pinterest:


Which then happens to land me that article on loser moms, and then inspired me to follow this DIGITAL312 on Pinterest because of their plethora of exceptional collections for a knowledge junkie like me.

I had taken a breather from writing (which I like to think I write on a blog, since I don't get paid to be a Blogger, lol - bitter are we?)

A lot of things have been going on in my offline world or "in real life" that has sidetracked me.  I still find it difficult to talk about so it makes sense that I've avoided writing.

I've been inspired by the number of new followers of late I've been having on YUPPYdom on Wordpress, a real devoted crew of misfits and wonder kinds.

So maybe this is like popping the cork off a little later than New Year's ..... which is normal when one is grasping at straws to remain positive and focused.

On what you say?

It is obvious, I say?

Say what?

I was gonna say:

I don't wanna be a loser mother.


Anymore?

BY INVITATION: A conversation with Dr. Marie Delorme, recipient of The Order of Canada

The Order of Canada medal SOURCE (Canadian Encyclopedia.ca)

I like to think I pay attention to what goes on around me online.  I'm tuned in on most social media channels, with Linked In being one of my go to's.  One of the features I like the most is when one of my network contacts is in the news.  I was thrilled to discover this wonderful nugget of accomplishment on my timeline that Dr. Marie Delorme was recognized as the recipient of The Order of Canada - see sidebar.

As I do most often, I re-posted this distinguished award on my feed and sent a personalized congratulations message to Dr. Delorme.  She responded quickly, humbly and graciously.

Marie has been called an entrepreneur, a business leader, a Metis woman, an Indigenous person, a Ph.D. doctorate, a creative leader.  Now she can add Order of Canada recipient to her impressive bio.

I asked Dr. Delorme for permission to write a blog in the form of asking a bunch of questions for her to answer.   What unraveled was a glimpse of a magnificent woman who gives more of her self than most business leaders do in a lifetime.  

Dr. Marie Delorme

Who do you want to be identified as?  (i.e. Mother, wife, daughter, sister, CEO, Indigenous woman, woman, feminist, business person, Calgarian, Canadian. 

I am an entrepreneur, mother, feminist, a Métis woman originally from Manitoba but a Calgarian for the past 32 years.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

My brother and I grew up in a farming community. A special treat was buying comic books for 10 cents at the little store a mile down the road. My brother taught me to read them before I went into grade one. I wanted to be a DC character like Superman, Supergirl, or Wonder Woman.

Besides "everything will be okay" what would you tell your 12 year old self?

The next 10 years mark a journey that will be the hardest you will navigate in your life. Know that you have the strength and endurance to see it through and wonderful adventures are coming your way. Tough times do not last, but tough people do.  

Who or what has been your greatest influence?  Event or Person? 

Throughout my life, many people have formed my journey. Some, like my grade 10 teacher, introduced a love of literature; my brother had the patience to teach me to drive as a teenager; my son gave me the unique experience of being a mother and now a business partner; an Indigenous woman elder in Winnipeg is in her 80s and is a role model for love, patience, and inner beauty; my best friend for the past 48 years has a wonderful family who gave me a sense of belonging and love in my teen years. And, of course, there are the people I have never met but who were role models and influencers. They are musicians, writers, actors, and poets. And the everyday people who accomplish great things; who may briefly make the news; but who contribute to society in meaningful ways. All of these people and many, many more have influenced me. I had the wonderful opportunity to come of age in the 60s and 70s -- a time that produced great social change -- The American Indian Movement, The Women’s Liberation Movement, The Vietnam War, and the Civil Rights Movement all influenced my thinking and values. And, of course, the very best music ever came out of that era!

What did your 80 y/o mentor have to say about this award? 

She sent a lovely email message, that included the phrase “yabba dabba do”!!!

Do you have a Metis women role model?  Woman role model?

Mae Louise Campbell from Manitoba who embodies a healing spirit and has dedicated her life to the knowledge that when women fully assume their rightful place as leaders, the world will find healing and peace.

Have you ever seen an ancestry/DNA result from your heritage?

 I know both sides of my lineage. On my father’s side back to the 1600s and over a century back on my mother’s side. Ancestry.com or DNA analysis would not add to that knowledge.

What is your connection to non-Ingenious persons? 

As Jane Elliott would say “there is only one race…the human race”

Before The Order of Canada, what were you most proud of?

Being the mother of an accomplished, self-actualized, strong, and compassionate man who has been my business mentor and my friend; and having the opportunity to play a small role in who he is today.

What has changed the most since you won the prestigious award? 

The wonderful connections with friend and colleagues over the past week, some whom I haven’t seen for decades! It has truly been a blessing to hear from so many special people.

Did you struggle in school or were you on the honor role?

 Although they were not formally educated, my parents always stressed the importance of education. Academic achievement was a given for my brother and me.

When you sought your education, went on your knowledge quest, what was most important for your to discover?

 A broader understanding and perspective of the world.

What was your PhD about?

It was an interdisciplinary PhD (Anthropology, Sociology, Business) focused on intercultural leadership in the context of economic development.

Do you mentor others?  In the community? Through associations via business?

Mentorship is an important part of giving back, or paying forward. The first formal mentoring role was through an Indigenous internship program in the telecommunications industry over 2 decades ago. For the past 8 years I have been engaged as a mentor in the Coady International Institute’s Indigenous Women in Community Leadership program.

What is the least likely thing for people to know about you?  Secret vice?

I thoroughly enjoy being with people, but regeneration is a solitary endeavor. I have been to many countries and often choose to travel alone. I like the adventure, the freedom, and the unique opportunity to meet people in circumstances and places that would not have otherwise manifested. The result is a litany of great stories and friendships around the world.

What is your solitary pursuit?  Reading memoirs, bios, thrillers, social media?  Hitting golf balls on the driving range? Watching TV or Movies?

Reading, riding my bicycle, catching up on some of the series that build up on my pvr.

Family, married, children, pets, community, friends?  (or all of the above) .... What keeps you balanced? 

Catching up with friends and loved ones across the country. I often try to fit in a visit over a bite to eat, tea, or a glass of wine when I am on the road. Almost 20 years ago my son bought me golf clubs and encouraged me to take lessons. Best move ever. Catching up with friends over a game of golf is one of the most rewarding, pleasant, and spiritual experiences. And if you really want to get to know someone, just spend 4 hours on the course with them, and you will learn everything you know just by observing how they deal with joy, disappointment, and stress!

What is your handicap in golf?  Have you taken lessons or relied on learning as your go?

  I can fairly consistently shoot in the low to mid 90s with the occasional game in the 80s. Of course, there is the inevitable “blow up” game where it all falls apart. It can be a humbling sport. I once read that golf is the perfect game because it can never be mastered.

Does your best game in golf mimic your best life lesson or business lesson?

 My best game was played on 3 hours sleep when my flight was delayed and I was not able to make alternate arrangements with the group. I asked one of the foursome to keep my score as I was fatigued. I shot an 81 … likely because I just wanted to get home to sleep! I have only repeated that once since. But I did get a hole in one at a tournament several years ago!

I noticed you checked your Linked In profile via mobile .... is that how you stay connected online most? (Mobility or Email or Social Media in order of usage/preference) 

I love technology. My iPad and iPhone are critical to organizing my business and personal life, and for keeping in touch with friends and colleagues. I only use social media for business linkages. I never work on planes. It is downtime. My iPad is loaded with books, movies, and tv shows specifically for passing time when travelling.

If you had to choose only one digital device, leaving all others behind, which one would it be?

 My iPhone.

What is your "go to" social media site?  

 LinkedIn.

Do you think you will write a book?  If so, what will it be about? 

Doesn’t everyone have a book they want to write? Perhaps one day.

What is your biggest pet peeve?

I spend a lot of time on airplanes and am forever baffled by the lack of etiquette displayed by some travelers. Perhaps that is the book, as I have a list on my iPad of over four dozen instances I have observed. Some examples are hard to believe if they were not experienced first hand.

I'd love to read that book on travel etiquette -- what is the most toxic that make other passengers uncomfortable?

 Any kind of personal grooming, not tidying the washroom after use, trying to fit an oversized piece of luggage into the bin thus delaying boarding, playing music or a video without using earphones. The most shocking was the guy next to me in the airline lounge who stripped down to his waist and changed clothes! Yikes…so many examples

The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?  ... who is your favorite musical artist?

The Rolling Stones always. And specifically, Keith Richards, the soul of the band. His memoir “Life” is a must read. He said “About myself I have no great illusions. I know what I am. I know what I’m good at and what I am not. I’m always hoping to surprise myself. But I do have a love of music and communication. That is the best I can do. And I can raise a good family too.”

What is your favorite movie?

 I don’t have a favorite, but am drawn to sci-fi and dramas. I rarely watch anything twice.

What is your favorite song?

 Too many to list, but a few that come to mind include: “Fields of Gold” written by Sting and performed by Eva Cassidy; Keith Richards “You Got the Silver” and “Trouble”; “Chorus of the Hebrew Slaves” from the third act of the opera Nabucco.

With this award, what has it allowed you to do that otherwise may not have presented itself?

Ask me in a few months…it has only been a week!

Did you watch the Golden Globe Awards? 

No.  

What was your personal reaction to the solidarity among so many diverse women with a common message?

 The voices of the thousands of strong women and men are collectively inspiring change that is so long overdue. This is the catalyst for a social movement that must impact every workplace and channel the outrage into legal, behavioral, and organizational transformation.

How has this award impacted your business?  Increased inquiries, increased orders, increased requests to connect?

Ask me in the future, it has only been a week!

Many who achieve greatness turn around and forage into public life.  Would you ever consider going into public service (aka politics)?

No. Never. I have great admiration for people who run for public office. Choosing that path takes a special kind of courage. It is so important that organizations like Equal Voice are supported; they are dedicated to electing more women to every level of political office in our country.  

In today's competitive environment, what do you think is the biggest challenge? 

The world in 2018, politically and economically, is uncertain and precarious. However, voices that have been silenced for too long are being heard. Voices from the “Me Too” movement, the MMIW Inquiry, and human trafficking. These are the catalysts for a societal sea of change.

What is your biggest challenge you face for 2018?

Finding the time to do everything I want to do, to not waste a minute, and to consistently shoot in the 80s in golf!

Predictions for 2018?  

I am not that prescient or confident that I can provide sage advice based on a prediction. Rather I believe in taking informed risks, leaving room for serendipity, and a little bit of luck. My brother often uses that saying: “funny thing about luck…the harder I work, the luckier I get”   

In the next five years I would like to see … happen? 

Forty years ago, we were talking about equality, love, diversity, respect, and peace. In so many ways we have moved forward; and in so many ways we have not progressed at all. The songs of protest and the songs of love of that era are as relevant today as they were then. The solutions do not lie in anger and hatred but in redefining the smallest of day-to-day actions and the largest of political and economic actions to achieve societal solutions. 

What do you want to be remembered for?

Many years ago, when I was in my 20s and was promoted into my first management role, a woman who was retiring imparted some sage advice. She said “There are very few women in these positions and you will be watched closely. But remember that at the end of the day, and that day comes for all of us, no one will remember your accomplishments. They will only remember how you made them feel in your presence”. Words to live by.

BIO:

Dr. Marie Delorme is CEO of The Imagination Group of Companies. She chairs the Chiniki Trico Board, is past chair of the RCMP Foundation Board, and serves on the River Cree Enterprises Board, the National Indigenous Economic Development Board, and The Canadian Centre to End Human Trafficking. She is also an adviser for the Coady International Institute, the Canadian Police College, Pathways to Education, and Save the Children Canada.

Dr. Delorme is a Member of the Order of Canada. She has received the Indspire Award in Business and Commerce; and was named as one of Canada’s 100 Most Powerful Women. Other awards include: the University of Calgary Dr. Douglas Cardinal Award; Alberta Chamber of Commerce Business Award of Distinction; Calgary Chamber of Commerce Salute to Excellence Award, and Métis Nation Entrepreneurial Leadership Award.

Dr. Delorme holds a Bachelor of Science degree, a Master of Business Administration from Queen's University, and PhD from the University of Calgary. Her research focuses on inter-cultural leadership.

The Imagination Group is an Indigenous corporation comprised of four organizations. Imagination, The Aboriginal Gifting Company is a nationally recognized brand in the promotional products and gifting industry; and is also a manufacturer of ceremonial tobacco. For 17 years Imagination has provided brand management services to industry, governments, and indigenous groups. Imagination Franchising and Authentically Aboriginal are complementary organizations, the latter being a not-for-profit entity. Imagination Consulting specializes in guiding organizations to operate more efficiently and profitably; focusing on value creation and offering clients a unique understanding of the spectrum of challenges that business leaders face – from long range planning to critical day-to-day business issues. The Imagination Group engages with clients in a thorough analysis of business operations and issues and the development of plans to address gaps and implement improvements. The Imagination Group consulting practice brings over 40 years of specialized business experience to our clients.

FACEBOOK:  https://www.facebook.com/nationimagination/

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To celebrate Dr. Delorme's accomplishment, donations may be extended to her charities of choice:

The RCMP Foundation www.rcmp-f.ca 

The Canadian Centre to End Human Trafficking http://www.canadiancentretoendhumantrafficking.ca/

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READ MORE:

CBC

THE CALGARY HERALD

THE GLOBE & MAIL

INDSPIRE

ALBERTA VENTURE

(photo credit-Phillip Chin)