A balancing act

Today was a wonderful day.  Yes the weather was fab, it was Sunday, everywhere I went everyone was in a good mood.  Why wouldn't they?  Perhaps there are people out there that don't bow to their God by going to church, or do chores instead of spending dinner with family, or simply don't know how to look a gift horse in the mouth?

Definitely, some days are like pushing water uphill.  I love that saying as it communicates overcoming insurmountable odds, or despair by one's choices or who they surround themselves by.  

Today I was on holidays.  Who isn't on holidays on a Sunday, many would say.  Yet, I truly am on holidays.  You see, I work a lot of Sundays during the day and it is less likely to be off on a Sunday if I was not on a holiday.

Probably there were many times I took Sunday for granted.  Stayed in bed too long, nursed a hangover or bowed to her Royal Laziness.  Today, I spent it with my daughter.  Two minutes from where I live, I'm on a highway out into the country.  

Big deal?  Well, absolutely.  Because, you see, people from all around the world come to my corner to see cowboys, mountains, fresh air, hike, fish or just take in the surroundings I can see in meir minutes.

It amplifies how little one has to complain about.  Sure, I'd always wanted a country mansion or a tropical paradise called my own.  But today, I just sucked in the air, looked at the beauty around me and really thought:  yeh, this is what striving for a balanced life is all about.

My husband had a buddy over working on his car.  My daughter came with me to just go where our travels would take us, with no agenda other than hang out.  The bills are paid, I'm on holidays.

I'm not in the midst of jet lag at a destination that I spent a few brain cells deciding where to go, what to pack, what time to make it to the airport, would the accommodations be suitable, the resort top notch and whether they have a pool bar.  No list beckons me, as per my usual fair.  I'm on holidays, I don't have to have a list or a plan.

I've balanced my act.  I'm not whining about what I don't have, or taking stock of what I should have had.  I am content to absorb and enjoy the fortune I do have.  We drove down the beautiful highway, passing by and sometimes passed by many a folk out driving motorcycles, refurbished hot rods, or speeding convertibles.

What mattered was who was beside me.  My daughter.  I got it.  There have been times when she'd make me want to pull my hair out, be quieter or be more serious.  Well, she'd been doing way too much and being way too serious.  It was mom and daughter therapy.  Whenever I get the slightest inclination where my jaw starts to open with a jolt from the brain to complain, I have to think of her.

Yes, I certainly did get to figure skate most of my growing up and that took commit-ment, but she fits in her love of soccer while working three jobs, getting ready to return to her second year of university.  I didn't have to work that many jobs.  I didn't drive a $600 car.  In fact, I didn't drive a car at all.  I had to rely on charm to hitch a ride or suck it up and take transit.  

Heck, I didn't have a car to hear a funny knock or a shimmying start until after I got married.  Nor did I have a smartphone to look up what that noise could mean.  Now, I have a husband who was going to lift the hood to check on her theories while we took off on our own.

We drove into this tiny little town and our first stop was a thrift shop.  Now, we're not talking about a big charity almost department store.  It was an honest to goodness cash only (leave your city attitude behind) and elderly lovely couple with a cat who supervised the shop.  I bought another purse I didn't need and a pair of tan shorts that are at least two sizes too big.

Next stop appealed to the yearn of our appetites responding to the fresh, country, carefree air we found ourselves in.  An all day diner that every couple or group that sat down were told by their friendly, cheerful staff that they could have breakfast or dinner.  We sat at the counter and got to watch slices of pies march in front of our eyes.  It was an easy choice to split our grilled chicken sandwich, smothered in a secret home made sauce with the greenest lettuce and reddest tomatoes fit for a food commercial.  

Yes, we shared a piece of pie ... even though my daughter said she was "good" as is her way of politely saying "no" while still sharing a good half of the "Hawaiian Pie" ... I must be getting old because I lifted my fork and looked at the light airy flakey crust, melting between a combination pudding, pineapples bits topped with whip cream.  We walked out pleasantly satiated without being stuffed.

We headed home, stopping in a few more boutiques along the way, without pulling out a wallet.  The younger version of me kicked in when I thought I may be ahead of the game after spotting a dress that would be perfect for my stepdaughter's wedding next year.

My daughter ventured back out when we got home to join up with her friends, one of which was going on to Toronto to continue her law degree.  Huh, thinking about it now, a little has rubbed off.  Perhaps she now knows and believes, that your life is your own balancing act.  It throws curveballs at you sometimes, but if you uphold quality friendships and relationships you have plenty who will let you lean on them.

I was content to spend the evening with my husband, where we both were satisfied with our day.  He may have got more done with the work on his buddy's car and checking my daughter's.  But the dividends of spending the day with my daughter and having him to come home to does remind me that for all the years of striving to balance my life, it has actually hit a rhythm that is wonderful.

Beauty tip: take care of the soul

I've been writing so far of some of my philosophical leanings and fashion tips for cowgirls, along with a few faux pas nightmares.  I thought it was time to take it up a notch and share some of my beauty favorites.

Firstly, I look up to both my mother and my former mother-in-law to share their secrets to eternal beauty:  one is 80 and the other is 90!  Neither one wears makeup per se, although my mother is a fan of foundation and hair styling that suits her style, lifestyle, and personality.

What both of them do, day in, and day out are simple basics we've been told for years:

• wash your face at least twice a day:  morning and before bed
• no gimics or expensive products in their cabinets
• both have been using "Oil of Olay" as their must do daily
• take care of your soul:  spirituality, church, beliefs 
• an alcoholic beverage is what you have one of when you socialize
• commitment to their husbands for 50 years in sickness and in health
• biggest fans of their children, grandchildren with pride, love, support

Sounds elementary to me too.  Yet we all get caught up at the drugstore or department store beauty counter, buying up magical potions and fixer uppers.  

The one thing I do share with my younger counterparts in the 20, 30 and 40 age group is acne.  Yeppers, I thought that that ended with wrinkles or the very least menopause.  However, stress, turmoil, inner satisfaction with one's life does exude through our pores.

No wonder they say that a women who is pregnant is incredibly beautiful!  They are sticking to the natural like white on rice.   They abstain from any toxins like their body is a temple.  Factoring in they are directly responsible for the formation of that beautiful being growing inside them.  Alcohol, hell no!  Smoking, you gotta be kidding me!  

Accounting for what you put in your body is part of your beauty regime.  Drink lots of water, stay away from soda pop most of the time, eat fruits, vegetables and a salad with every meal.  

I found a few wonderful discoveries to battle the skin wars -- easily found in drug stores, pharmacies and even grocery stores:

Founder of Burt's Bees

This natural spot treatment is clinically proven to help reduce and improve the appearance of blemishes without irritating skin. Formulated with Tea Tree, Calendula, Yarrow and Parsley Extracts to help care for troubled skin and reduce redness and Borage Extract to promot healthy skin resulting in clean and smooth skin, naturally. Dermatologist tested. Noncomedogenic.

I put this on after my nightly washing, moisturizing on the spots that are breaking out.  It is categorized under "sensitive skin" which I can relate to.

Another wonder find is a toner that we can find even in nutrition and vitamin stores with the regulars:  witch hazel ... one that everyone can afford!  Use it as a toner after you wash, bathe or shower.

I will continue to uncover beauty secrets of the pros and the should-be-pros for all to benefit from.  If you have your own ideas, secrets, and/or tips ... let me know!

Know thyself before thy marries

Seriously considering your life mate?  How does one really know?  I recommend you take a trip and travel with the man of your dreams ... see how he reacts over airport security, flight delays, luggage mishaps, hotel shortcomings, bathroom usage, where dirty clothes end up, eating schedule/choices, all-inclusive aka free drinks galore, babes in bikinis (gawker or glancer), packed airline, uncomfortable beds, seats; and just about anything else that spells disillusion or disaster.

I am constantly preaching to my 21 and 22 year old beautiful daughters that now that they're beyond puppy love or perceived deep love of their teens, relationships get more complicated as we take on more responsibilities in life:

• EDUCATION:  University, training,
• Commitment:  work, schedules, work out
• Spending time with family
• Moving out on your own
• Extra curricular golf, hockey, football, TV channel surfing, remote controlling gamers
• Money matters (going for dinner means you always pull out your wallet)
• Temptations:  alcohol, drugs, fast lifestyle
• Sleeping habits (blanket hog, snorer)
• Friends (need a lot of boys nights out?)
• Couple friends (healthy ones)
• Goals in life

Those are all beyond the recommended conversations therapists, experts say you should have.  I knew of a guy who was engaged for a couple of years and when they were finally setting the date for the nuptials, he found out she never, wouldn't, ever have kids.  That was the opposite of his spectrum.  He was getting married because he had thought he had met the ideal mate to parent with and that was his reason for getting married:  to have kids.  In desperate reaction and panic, he started to host singles parties.  The guest list were single, eligible ladies, young or same age, in his own version of speed dating:  line them up and check them out.    I fell of the radar willingly and never did find out how his wife made the grade.  Yes, he's a dad and even goes by the title of Dadpreneur (not an uncommon title if you start trying to narrow down the likely suspect). 

This particular fellow probably had himself as priority in all boxes for ticking off.  Spend time with me, move where I want to be, my friends, my goals, my lifestyle.  I'd be surprised if he wasn't a blanket hog and snorer which means dearly beloved move yourself on to the couch if it bothers you when you aren't giving birth, getting up in the wee hours, to tend to his offspring.  The only pictures with the chip off the old block are photo ops where he looks like the world's best dad, meanwhile flying around promoting himself.

No, lol, I didn't marry him and that doesn't describe me.  Sometimes our radars are on high alert and we can sniff a doomed partner from a mile away.  Then why do we sometimes end up with someone so different that fit into our criteria?  Philosophical and spiritual leanings tend to say it is fate.  We sometimes fall for someone who reminds you of your father (mother) who you weren't that close to, but because we want a second go at it.  Chances are the qualities you dislike in your father will be cloned in that man of your perceived dreams.

I suggest you heed the warning that if drinking in a club brought you together, that may be the major activity you share.  Romantic notions of snuggling to watch Rom-Coms are ditched by speed, gun slugging, car speeding action movies (which is okay if you're into that ... if not, get used to it).

I recommend you pay attention to the little things....because the thoughtful gifts, flowers, candlelight dinners dim drastically by the second year.   Be skeptical that he is courting you and it may not last forever.  The acrobatics in bed can turn into napping on the couch and the Honey-DO list that never gets done.   Hope and prayer ... and then be thankful for the thoughtful consideration he pays towards you.  Don't fall for the looks, fall for the behavior.  Who wants to be with a man you have to fight over the mirror with? 

A tinkerer is great.  They're always fooling around with a tool and home to do it.  They are not as boring as you think.  He can whip up Thanksgiving Dinner, gravy and all, leaving you to set the gorgeous table, do the inviting, and look refreshed and relaxed to enjoy the wonderful spread ... not washed out, beaten, tired from spending all day in the kitchen.  Why is it that men who can cook look vibrant, have a sense of humor, fun side and care for others.  That's not macho some say?  Well the macho, testosterone is sexy and most appealing up to around your 40s but can be boring long long before then.

A caregiver is sexy.  He is up at the crack of dawn, rarely breaks a sweat and always be counted on to show up to work regardless of the sniffles, a bruise tooling around, or slicing his finger making you a key lime pie from scratch or a lime cocktail (one or two, not a dozen).  He has a job, a career, and a vision of who he wants to be and where he wants to end up.  He's not coasting from one room mate to the next, over staying his welcome, and moving on because he owes favors, money or both.

Why are you reading this for heaven's sake?  You know better girl.  You don't expect a man who will be so rich and into himself that he only needs a trophy.  You want to be someone, make a difference in your field, your passion, your career, your family.  Don't blame yourself that you only want a partner who wants to rise above it all and make a life you love and love living. 

"Courage is not the absence of fear; it is action in the presence of fear.  Bold people do what they know they should do -- not what they feel like doing."
                           ~Joyce Meyer



Yep, so get to it.  Stop imagining what you want:  remember that saying that goes along with the line of things happen to those who are busy doing, not making plans.

#FAST forward force

Hitting the big 5-0 rarely seems like a breeze for anyone.  Mid-life crisis, empty nest syndrome, sagging muscles, self realization, and a great number of thoughts float through our inner peace.  When you are in your teens your are into the moment, 20s into the future, 30s survival, 40s breeze and 50s panic. 

Pablo Picasso

When you arrive in this point in your life, your self conscious goals leep into your present mind, to question whether you have accomplished what you were thinking you would by now, while young enough to still regroup and make the most of life.

Realization that health is paramount strikes like a snake ready to bite you.  Have you looked after yourself as well as you could of?  Are you happy in love with your partner and content to sail through to your twilight years with your choice.  Or, become restless wanting to be who you are meant to be.

Younger people think you are OLD by now - and that insults you.  Do you try to make up for that by stylizing yourself to look hip, happening and carefree?  What about settling in to the present, give yourself credit for the multiple of hurdles you've overcome to arrive at where you are instead of bitterness towards life, people, events?  You cannot change the past and you can't predict the future.  You can only control what you do today in this present minute.

You have it within yourself to make decisions of magnitude proportions.  Wipe the slate clean.  Forget the unforgettable.  Forgive the unforgiveable.  Move forward towards the unknown with an optimism that will most likely extend your life, settle your restlessness and guide you to make a difference today.

If you MUST.  Do an inventory.  Not materialistically, because that is a losing battle.  The likelihood of winning the lottery is unrealistic.  Think of your parents, relatives, and consider them in their 70s and 80s and if lucky beyond.  Did the turmoil in their younger years settle down and gracefully guide them?  Do you recognize their  wisdom to know what can be done now, in the present?  Do you listen?  Learn from that reflection.  It will give you strength to embrace all the great things you have and may be in store. 

 Grasp you spirituality, write, enjoy art, photography, and all those things that bring you inner joy.  Color, doodle, go for walks in a park and breath in the air, enjoy the fresh smell of cut grass.  Spend every spare moment with friends and loved ones who bring you joy. 

You are no longer in a space in your life where you are judged by your accomplishments as much as by how you look -- exuding optimism, not regrets, making others want to be in your sphere.  Wisdom is yours to dispense, don't waste it on anyone who doesn't want to listen.  Even if you know that they are on a rocky road and understand that there is nothing you can do to prevent it.  Be there to listen, give advice when only asked. 

You've made it this far and many others consider you young.  Don't waste your time on anything or anyone who  makes you feel old.   Don't deny your age by behavior that shouts to the world that you are having trouble dealing with it.  The world doesn't care.  It is your issue.  Recoup and file away that fight for eternal youth.  Appreciate you have arrived where you are from pain, regrets, disappointments ... let go of the heart's battle scars. 

Homage to Pablo Picasso by John Nolan

Be creative in your zone.  Write, blog, take photography lessons, a financial course ... whatever floats your boat.  It is only your's to embrace.  You have the power and force to sail through this phase regardless of the bumps you had to reach it.  Understand and be empowered knowing and observing that others are climbing those past hills, that you survived and brought you survival.  Be proud of who you are.  Forgive if you haven't been the inventor, psychologist, artist, writer, business whiz you thought you were or would continue to be.  You have a roof over your head, love in your heart, food in your belly and innovation to be whimsical.  Aging forgives that and allows you to do that.  You are no longer in judgment mode, you are in being mode.

You haven't arrived at your destination.  You are still on a journey.  How you handle it will determine the strength of character you possess.  Be a positive inspiration to those around you who marvel at your grace, class, and distinction.

"Age is an issue of mind over matter.  If you don't mind.  It doesn't matter."
                                                        ~Mark Twain

Pablo Picasso

 

Angels among us

I was offline for a few days.  Mostly because we had a wicked thunderstorm that took my internet and TV for a tailspin.  TV I don't mind.  You may as well cut my right hand off when it is the internet connection.

Funny how important being online becomes.  Call it an addiction or a very strong desire to be connected.  I'd like to think it is a little bit of both.

The other matter why I was distracted was because of a tragedy that struck my sister.  I've been known to give her a lot of credit for years because she has the patience of a saint and is truly an angel among us.  Both her and her husband.
 

As a bystander, sister, and family member, it has been amazing to watch how she could be a Foster Mom to special needs children and those nobody else would want to help.  I have to sadly admit that if I were to lend a hand for a child, I would be inclined to help a fully functioning one.  Not my big sis.  She reaches out as a Foster Mom, with her strong religious beliefs to give her strength and her genuine big heart, to help those children that fall into "the system" because of the shortcomings of their natural parents.  She has had kids envelope into her home that had moms that were prostitutes and abused.  She has opened her arms to those that have severe disabilities that are scratched off of anyone looking to adopt a child because they want a brand new baby, like a clean slate, to enter into their homes.  Not my sister.  She didn't debate or reflect on the impact, she just brought them in.

I always admired her and her husband's patience, love and strength to bring a child into their home that was not of their making but to make the most of the child.  It extended beyond them to their own three children who made it a part of their family and brought acceptance into their world.

Over the years there have been some sad situations these children were born to.  They were never sad to my sister or her husband, they were children that needed help.  They opened their arms, gave them their heart and absorbed their needs as their own.

We hear about Foster Parents.  Often it is shocking, rarely is it about the ones that are angels.  My sister is such an angel.  Gifted with children as others are talented building businesses, amassing money, or finding fortune.  She should be rich as a reward for what she has done for these many lost children from lost souls called parents. 

The "system" takes these kids from parents that cannot cope with them.  Whether it is because they have trouble with addictions, poor lifestyles, or simply unable to nurture the child that they brought into the world.  Thank heaven their are angels like my sister who reaches out to bring them into her arms and love them.  Unconditionally. 

Such was the good fortune of a young boy when he was four.  His mother had already four children by different fathers and she was only 24.  Social services decided that she was not fit for this boy and he was put out into the system.  Thankfully, my sister was there.

At four, he was unable to speak or communicate his needs nor accustomed to a loving home.  That changed when he walked into my sister's home.  He learned sign language and his frustrations were minimalized by just being able to express himself.  Eventually he could say a couple of words, only a couple, yet Ma-Ma and Da-Da meant the world.

He had a unique smile and it reached the soul of anyone he shone it on.  He had a goofy, fun personality that even my own kids grew to adore and accept.  Our family knew that a visit from my sister and her family was sure to include him.  It went without saying.

Lucky for me and my children, we learned from him.  Sure he did things that were different - from a boy with special needs.  Certainly, he had a contagious smile that allowed any of us to forget that.  He touched others in a way that extended beyond words.  He tested our boundaries on what is normal.   He taught  us acceptance.


This boy grew and grew.  He was perhaps bigger than many his same age, with a bigger heart than most.  Unfortunately, he started to have seizures.  Often unprovoked, unexpected and without cause.  This was distressing to my sister, but never faltered her love or commitment  to help this boy.

This past week, on the morning of Canada Day, July 1st, my sister was making blueberry pancakes, the boy's favorite.  Oddly, the smell didn't bring him to the kitchen so she asked her husband to go wake him up.  Sadly, he couldn't be woken up.  He had passed away during the night from a seizure.

My sister's heart is broken.  He was the love of her life and every new gesture, sign or smile showed promise.  It was never clear whether he was her angel or she was his.  What was to be was there were two angels among us.

Happy Fathers Day

Hats off to dads everywhere!  So much attention goes to moms because we are the ones who endure 9 months of pregnancy, give birth and often considered the primary caregivers.

The importance of fathers has been under appreciated by history and stereotypes.  However, most of us know first hand how important our dads are in our lives. 

As life unfolds, we get older and they pass on.  Often it is only then there lingers many wise words and wisdom shared.

I loved my father's stories.  As his elderliness was settling in, he often repeated them.  Then there may have been concern for his forgetfulness and a hint of exasperation on having to hear it again.  Now I look back to realize each time there was  a golden nugget to cherish and learn from.  

I really miss my father.  Yes he was tough when I needed to be taught a lesson.  He certainly displayed strength in difficult circumstances.  I think of him as a hero, handsome man with such dark eyes that did seem to sparkle when he was laughing.  He wasn't a teaser - he left that to my brothers.  He wasn't always there, he was a provider.  He was wise and could drill down to the heart of the matter.

I'm lucky.  I had my father for many many years.  As his body started to betray his vitality, he made up for it by wanting to talk.  He liked when my mom was out so he would call any one of us kids to talk, share those stories but most of all shield us from hurt, mistakes we made, and be brave for us when our own resources were depleting.  He was there when it counted and I needed him most.

As a kid I was disappointed if he didn't come to my skating competitions or tests, yet he always made it to the shows, bursting with pride.  He was important in his job and in those days kids didn't telephone their parents.  The very few times I did,  he would come home and say how impressed everyone was with my articulation or manners.  He was proud and a proud man.

Dads are not knights with armor to protect us against harm.  They have faults, they have weaknesses and life doesn't always hand them everything so they can, in turn, provide for family and hand down to children.  However,  we should respect how important that role is to everyone in society.  We should help those who need help being a father.  Everyone benefits.

I think my dad, for all his accomplishments and a tough journey to get there, appreciated and lived life to be remembered with honor and love.  I know he had regrets and may have had a few unfulfilled wishes.  Yet, he wasn't afraid to stand up for what was right and expected great things to come from all of us kids, and then his grandkids. 

I am happy to have had such a father.  Without him, I wouldn't have learned as much or nourished by his encouragement.

He did a pretty good job.  He matters now as he did back then.  He did leave a legacy and one of them was me.  Yes, I do feel sadness some days and would love to hear one more of those stories.

"A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men."

~Unknown

 



MOOD swinging

Every day is a new day and a new beginning.  What we do with our time is important.  It is one of our most valuable resources.

Yesterday, I talked about getting into the ZEN of living life.  Taking a day to goof off, do nothing but what strikes one's fancy.  We should all have a power down day.  Rethink, regroup and regain momentum for living life to the fullest.

After I wrote the blog about doing nothing but relaxZEN, I made up for it in the evening.  I'm not nocturnal by nature, nor am I an early riser.   Last evening after hubby and I watched an episode of the final season 7 of Sons of Anarchy, I painted a flower pot for the garden, scrubbed the floor - yeah, I know, really related eh?  I didn't mention I was swigging the wine to fuel the creativity and boost the energy.  Admittedly, it hampered my productivity today somewhat.

By golly, I realized, I truly am in the middle of everything:

• Middle aged
• Mid career
• Mid life crisis
• Mood swinger
• Menopausal
• Mother
• Magnificent

It wasn't a complete waste because I spent a number of times on the phone with my youngest daughter, who moved to Vancouver last August, got a job in 10 days with the top law offices and was let go last week ... something about restructuring, consolidating and seniority decision making.  Right after a booming, glowing performance review the month before.  Yep, that's life.  She'll be 21 next month and is smarter in many ways than I was at her age.

We had a really good chuckle when I referred to myself as the "Fired Master" and she called me the "Fire Queen".  She's already had a number of calls and interviews lined up.  I'm thankful that she calls me every day and when crisis strikes it can be multiple times (it used to be typically boyfriend related, but she has an awesome beau now).

Today, it was about weeding the garden a bit, moving flowers around and touching up the flower pot from wine-induced painting outside the lines. 

When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping was my slogan in my 40s, when hard work paid off with high career which meant hard decisions.  I work now, but it is shift oriented.  I spent my 30s raising kids while climbing the career ladder.  I spent my 40s recoiling from divorce and remarrying.  Now that I've hit 50, I want everything to be about balance.  It doesn't matter any more if I have a title.  What is important is doing a good job .... taking what I have preached to my kids for years:  it doesn't matter whether you're the janitor or the boss, do a great job regardless!

Oh, I better get going.  I have a sizzling dinner on the BBQ:  boneless, skinless chicken that had been marinating in a jar of gluten free Satay sauce with white potatoes and salad.  I took pride in using the fresh herbs I started growing last year that makes the mouth water and adds such magnificent flavor.

Great news about chocolate considered a dairy product - I didn't realize that chocolate was part of the daily food group.  Who doesn't love chocolate?  (Anyone who isn't menopausal and gives a rats ass about diet).

I guess my mood today is more about being helpful and healthy.  On that tone, I added favorite blogs to Meanderings.  There are some that have been favorites for years (i.e. Animated Woman and Rodney Pikes) with a few newly discovered to share.  It goes with the helpful, healthy mood today.

relaxZEN

"When you've done the technical part, you're then into the joy, the zen, into being.  Technology no longer exists for you.  You're then into the mystery of the thing you're doing."

 

~William Shatner

I had a number of things to do today on a day off.  However, I did think to myself yesterday that I would give myself a day of nothing.  Nothing to do, no chores, no coffee with friends, no work, no thinking - notta, nope, not gonna, nevermind.

So what I did instead was go to Polymore (which I hadn't been for months) to create a look and feel for doing nothing but relax and be in the moment. 

I used the word Zen in my post title and realized that there are probably a number of mutations to what the word really meant, so I looked it up on the handy dandy Wikipedia:

Zen
Zen is a school of Mahayana Buddhism that developed in China during the Tang dynasty as Chán. From China, Chán spread south to Vietnam, northeast to Korea and east to Japan, where it became known as Japanese Zen.


Zen emphasizes rigorous meditation-practice, insight into Buddha-nature, and the personal expression of this insight in daily life, especially for the benefit of others.^[3][4] As such, it deemphasizes mere knowledge of sutras and doctrine^[5][6] and favors direct understanding through zazen and interaction with an accomplished teacher.^[7]


Huh?  I thought it was all about being at peace with oneself and one's environment.  I guess I have a little bit more learning to do.

To share my expressiveness today, this is what I created on Polyvore (when I should have been doing something else: housework, paperwork, etc.)

The one thing I did do was take my dog, Buddy, for a walk.  We both enjoyed it. 

"My blogging life is basically goalless.  I like the zen nature of that, and paradoxically, it improves results."

~Seth Godin

 

 

Focus on the GOOD

"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results."

~Willie Nelson 

 
This blog was originally written about Business, Sales, Leadership, Social Media  optioneerJM since May 2010.  As I was critiquing myself, I recognized that I strayed from its main purposes with reflections on matters that are unbusiness-related. 

 I have since branched out to Meanderings because there are many issues I want to write about that don't fall under business.  I hope you will visit, follow, share and help me there.  It is your support that inspires me to write.  If you have an idea or question you would like me to write about on optioneerJM or Meanderings, drop me a line and let me know optioneerJM@gmail.com.

It is far easier to write about one's personal experiences than based on others. We all face situations that tick us off, perplex, astound, shock, disgust us.  However, we all need to dig deeper to look for the positives we encounter.

I was flying in a particular Canadian airline this past week, whom I was disappointed in their service last year.  Unfortunately, I did use my social media skills to bring it to their attention.  And, attend to it they did.  It reminded me of one of the greatest advice ever received in my career:  "people don't always judge you on the mistakes you make,  but they will judge you based upon how you fix them."  How true that is!

Seriously, though.  You would think that most brands have a look out peeled towards negative social media posts.  They react so quickly.   Some call it damage control.  However, disappointing as it sounds, if you pay them a compliment, you will hardly, if ever, be acknowledged.  For example, I did tweet what a marvelous experience I had, without a peep.... What does that say about the force of social media?  Shouldn't it be a force to be reckoned with in its ability to spread good news?  Why not simply focus on what is good?

Scan through the feed on Twitter or trending topics and it will likely be about scandal, shock, sadness.  Heck, I thought I strayed away from media for that very reason.  I used to think that if I wanted to be disappointed, shocked, saddened, all I had to do was turn on the news or pull out a newspaper.  It all amounts to the biggest scoop or the loudest headline rather than anyone or anything helping others.  

It doesn't say much about us as a humanity that we swoop in and glue ourselves to stories about those fallen from grace, accidents, horror, beautiful babes, controversy, terror and beyond .... first.    Then there are the broadcasts cloaked as wisdom that scream "pick me, click me".  We are all guilty of being rubber-neckers: slowing down to view the scene of others' accidents, blunders, misery, mayhem, catastrophe, power plays.

There is a lot to be celebrated about in our world:  births, bravery, beauty, cuteness, poetry, wisdom, knowledge,   We do celebrate our sports teams, heroes, events, cities, countries, or communities.  Sadly, in much lower dosage.  

I do try, as many of us do, to be someone associated with positive vibes, celebratory congratulation, admiring wisdom, bravery, courage, and the little guys and gals who make a difference in our world.  I adore the discovery of someone or some company who is doing some thing that is making a difference in making our world a better place.

Certainly, I would love to have earned the fame and wealth of Oprah who for the most part does incredible things for young girls and education.  Or, be the world's wealthiest billionaire, Bill Gates, who will always remain the found of Microsoft and not of the philanthropy those riches have empowered him and his wife to bestow to make the world a better place. 

"If you don't get out of the box you've been raised in, you won't understand how much bigger the world is." 

                                                                ~Angelina Jollie Pitt

What about Angelina Jollie Pitt, wouldn't it be easier to label her as a femme fatale or marriage wrecker than to acknowledge her as an accomplished actress first, married to Brad Pitt second?  You will find further down the line a humanitarian (and in my opinion, should be at the forefront) an even greater example for women's health: putting health before beauty or what society expects.

I believe it within each of us to encourage one another, champion causes that are for the good and shun anything negative.  We have the ability to stop ourselves from pulling the thread to prevent unraveling.  We can control what we seek, promote, share and pronounce on social media.  

"Things don't have to change the world to be important."

~Steve Jobs

Keep calm and color on

This blog was originally written and shared on my Business, Sales, Leadership, Social Media Blog optioneerJM which I had started in May 2010.  I branched out to Meanderings because there are many issues I want to write about that don't fall under business. 

What is the most powerful, impactful trend right now?   Coloring! What? .... isn't coloring something you did when you were a kid?  Well, perhaps you did.  Now you have permission to do it as an adult because it is great for you!
The next time you are planning an important corporate event, team meeting, or training session consider adding color to your tools of engagement.  You may realize many benefits:

• To ward off distractions
• As an approach to problem solving
• To improve and enhance the physical, mental and emotional well-being of individuals of all ages, all levels within the organization 
• Artistic self-expression helps people to resolve conflicts and problems
• Develop and improve interpersonal skills
• Manage behavior,
• Reduce stress,
• Increase self-esteem
• Build self-awareness
• Achieve insight

Coloring and art have been around for ages.     Today,  use it as a powerful stress buster.  Assembled are helpful meanings to get started:

 Mandelas

 Mandalas are sacred circles that have been long been used to facilitate meditation in the Indian and Tibetan religions.  

They are created and looked at to center the body and mind.  Mandelas are variations or symbols of circles often found in halos, prayer wheels, religions, architecture and nature.    Now, they are used as a healing tool and a form of meditation which suggest they can boost the immune system, reduce stress, combat depression, reduce pain, lower blood pressure and  stimulate the release of melatonin, a hormone believed to slow cell aging and promote sleep.

Tattooes:

The word "tattoo" was brought to Europe by explorer James Cook when he returned in 1771 from his first voyage to Tahiti and New Zealand.   (In his narrative of the voyage, he referred to "tattaw". )

Popularity has steadily risen where artists, executives, and mainstream every day people swarm to "tattoo shops", "tattoo studios", or "tattoo parlors" to undergo their own personalized stamp of creativity.  Today, tattoo enthusiasts refer to tattoos as:

• ink

• skin art

• tattoo art

• tats

Coloring books:

Paint books and coloring books emerged in the United States as part of the "democratization of art" process.  The McLoughlin Brothers are credited as the inventors of the coloring book with The Little Folks' Painting Book.  
Another pioneer in the genre was Richard Outcault who authored  Buster's Paint Book in 1907.   It launched a trend to use coloring books to advertise a wide variety of products, including coffee and pianos.

 Until the 1930s, books were designed with the intent for them to be painted instead of colored.  Coloring books are widely used in schooling for young children because they tend to be more interested in coloring than other learning methods.  Pictures are also more memorable than simply words.

Educators conclude that all, regardless of background, students benefit from art as a means of enhancing their conceptual understanding of the tangible, developing their cognitive abilities, improving skills, finding a profession, as well as for spiritual edification.

Color therapy:

Color as a holistic therapy dates back thousands of years.  Color gains energy from light and why it is used as Color Therapy.  It can have a major healing impact on us as humans.
Color Therapy is a complementary therapy for which there is evidence dating back thousands of years to the ancient cultures of Egypt, China and India. Color is simply light of varying wavelengths, thus each color has its own particular wavelength and energy.  It can have a major healing impact on us as humans. 

Art Therapy:

Alternatively,  art therapy is a relatively young therapeutic discipline.  It began in the use of the arts in the moral treatment of psychiatric patients in the late 18th century.  It arose out of  a non-conformist religious tradition,  arising in English-speaking and European countries. The early art therapists who published accounts of their work acknowledged the influence of aesthetics, psychiatry, psychoanalysis, rehabilitation, early childhood education, and art education, to varying degrees, on their practices. 

 A British artist named Adrian Hill came up with the name  art therapy in 1942 while he was recovering from tuberculosis in a sanatorium.  Hill caught on to the therapeutic benefits of drawing and painting while convalescing.  He wrote that the value of art therapy lay in "completely engrossing the mind (as well as the fingers)…releasing the creative energy of the frequently inhibited patient", which enabled the patient to "build up a strong defense against his misfortunes". He suggested artistic work to his fellow patients. That began his art therapy work, which he authored a book "Art versus illness." in 1945.

Another key figure, artist Edward Adamson, became the "father of art therapy in Britain" after he was demobilised after World War II.  He helped Hill extend work in long stay mental hospitals.  Margaret Naumburg and Edith Kramer are credited for being art therapy pioneers in the United States.  

Best Sellers:

Currently, the top sellers on Amazon.com are the featured adult coloring books:

Our lives become busier with each passing day and as technology escalates so do our access to work, obligations and stress. Coloring allows adults a way to slow down, feel calm and use meditative coloring for relaxation.

Unleash your creative spirit with this sophisticated anti-stress colouring, doodling and drawing book. The flowing lines, sweeping swirls and highly-detailed patterns on every illustration have been created so that anyone and everyone can enjoy making something beautiful and calming. Increasing focus through creativity can benefit those who find it difficult to unwind or struggle to find their inner artist when faced with a blank page. There are no instructions, no rights or wrongs, and no need for expensive art supplies - readers can simply doodle and colour in any way they wish to create unique and exquisite pieces.

Art therapy provide healing and growth experiences, and stimulate creativity.  Creating art images is a safe and natural way of communicating feelings and experiences.  People are able to see themselves more clearly, gain different perspectives, and unblock feelings and issues that may otherwise be difficult to bring to the conscious.  We have an energy language in our body that informs us both literally and symbolically.  Immune system neuropeptides transform thoughts into matter, storing emotions and memories in body tissues.  These stored negative experiences, relationship issues and belief systems generate negative energy that affects our health.  The rational and censoring left brain can keep us from this information.  Through meditative aspects inherent in the art therapy process, we tap into the right brain, connecting to symbols, images and perceptions that speak to us from the unconscious. These images may both surprise and inform us.  The act of externalizing images releases repressed memories, stimulates our parasympathetic nervous system to calm us, and the images become our teacher.  By connecting our conscious with our unconscious we gain a more congruent sense of self, improving mind, body and spirit.

Color on

Try it and see if it improves your mood, helps you concentrate, reduces pain, or eliminates stress.  How about improve the morale and retention at your next corporate event?   I've assembled a "Color me Doodle" board on Pinterest along with some of my favorites here for you to help yourself to.