Thursday, February 18, 2016

The one that got away ....

I was having this conversation with my sister the other day.  Heaven help me if I even remember what our train of thought may have been... do you have a sister that you really relate to even though your worlds may seem so far apart?  

                 STOP and have a listen, or play while you read on through 

My sister is as opposite of me as the world could even imagine:

  • she was born in the autumn and I in the Spring
  • we saw our growing up differently: she full of pain; me full of belief
  • while I can come across gregarious she could come across as calm and reasoning
  • our relationships, kids, friends are friends of each other too - they find it easier to like the other
  • you enjoy shopping together and would never imagine skydiving - although one would have if she thought about it while the other wouldn't have dared (me).
  • you both reach for the same things even if our home, our taste, would seemingly be different
Sidetracked again.  Apologies ... then what the heck do you expect of me by now?   It appears as though I have writing AHSD.  Thank goodness not in real life:  I can be excruciatingly organized and detailed while consciously trying not to be so the opposite is perceived.

This is what the conversation was about: the one that got away.  How bizarre eh?

Two sisters of 18 months apart in their fifties having an absurd reminiscence.  Opposite memories, no doubt.  She talked and I listened for a change.  Yeh, not a regular occurrence by any means.

My conscious memory a week later pops this into my head as I'm driving home.  I know I listened carefully.  I am really trying to be a better listener, which is not a natural state.  

She talked about this boy that she really liked when she had run away from home.  As much as she seemed like a radical from candy-coated pink 15-year-old eyes, I seem more like a rebel now that I've hit my 50s.

The memory went on in the manner that this sort does:  what would have or could have happened if she had not broken his heart and stayed with him.  

Astonishing!  The responsible, loving, caring mother, daughter, sister or aunt, was actually rewinding life to check back and check in to what she thought she'd be doing once she hit her 50s.  

STOP and have a listen, or play while you read on through 

So many wondrous movies are about going back in time, less about heading into the future.  It must be a creative dream, to take a situation and from the current state, to what had happened, and how things may have gone differently.  I now realize that the surprise in store for the reader or viewer, is will the hero or heroine return to the current state much differently or very much the same with differences.

That is such  a creative morsel of temptation.  Take a situation or moment in your life, and fast rewind and slowly play forward.  Taking the audience on a ride that even you may not predict.  Will you return differently or much the same with differences ...

What do I mean?  My sister  ... was doing that in a sense.  She was wondering if she had stayed with that very nice boy, not broken his heart, and stayed together.  She wasn't evaluating it, nor was she suggesting that she was disatisfied with how things turned out.

 It was a simple, honest meandering .... My sister  was highlighting what we go through when we hit or 40s and 50s.  We really aren't all that different than we were in our teens.  The ride we'd be on at the time would result in whether we are currently on the ride of our lives, or too conservative.  Or, some of us would recall that maybe they could have been a little bit braver or self-confident at our teens.  Others of us blossom as life and the years make us milder, more content.  While others of us become restless and want to step out.

What would your comfort zone and would you have done things differently then and end up different somehow? 

I am torn between staying the same or being more carefree.  How does one's homelife be the same and yet be reacted far apart?  

I couldn't have imagined things getting any worse so I would madly try to be an over-achiever.  Perhaps some experts would say that was because I was a fighter and did whatever it would take to have a life that would erase anything.  My sister may say that she was acting it out.  

Deal with it now is what most would applaud.  Get it out of your system so you can grow up and get on with life.  In a measured, grounded, spiritual way.  

If you bottle it up you may never know when it will sprout. Maybe that is what they mean by mid-life crisis?  When it hits or skips over anyone, would be a multi-zillion market.  

Many marketers, services or products  are divided into two groups:

ONE:  Going through mid-life crisis.

TWO:  Not.

Are you meandering about the one who got away?  Examine whether you think things would have turned out differently, or would have it made a difference.

Create a balance between the two:  Don't pine for what may have been.  Instead, create the life now that would be a different you .... or the same you with a little change.

Now this is how I really feel:


Sunday, February 14, 2016

When a KISS is not a KISS

The Kiss (Lovers) was painted by the Austrian Symbolist painter Gustav Klimt between 1907 and 1908, the highpoint of his "Golden Period", when he painted a number of works in a similar gilded style. A perfect square, the canvas depicts a couple embracing, their bodies entwined in elaborate robes decorated in a style influenced by both linear constructs of the contemporary Art Nouveau style and the organic forms of the earlier Arts and Crafts movement. The work is composed of oil paint with applied layers of gold leaf, an aspect that gives it its strikingly modern, yet evocative appearance. The painting is now in the Österreichische Galerie Belvedere museum in the Belvedere palaceVienna, and is widely considered a masterpiece of the early modern period. It is a symbol of Vienna Jugendstil—Viennese Art Nouveau—and is considered Klimt's most popular work.[2]

Ahhhh, the kiss.  How fitting to begin meanderings about kissing for Valentines Day.  As a matter of fact, I do have a reproduction in my home and it is a favorite.  It sits outside our master bedroom, a subtle reminder of how wonderful the right kiss transcends love and validates "the one".

How you feel when you kiss ?

According to Psychology Today, one hypothesis is that the kiss has evolved as a mechanism for gathering information about potential sexual partners. A kiss brings us into close physical proximity with the other, close enough to smell and taste them. The face area is rich with glands secreting chemicals that carry genetic and immunological information. Our saliva carries hormonal messages. A person's breath, as well as the taste of their lips and the feel of their teeth, signals things about their health and hygiene, and thus their procreative suitability. 

Another hypothesis claims that the kiss functions primarily on the level of psychology, as a way to express and reinforce feelings of trust, closeness, and intimacy with another.
A kiss can seal the deal.
One thing I'm always thankful is having a position of trust with my girls.  As a mother, you have to guard the sacredness of having a relationship with your daughter in which she turns to you in moments of elation and devastation.  One can only hope that you can share her peak times and times of excitement.
In our home, it usually started with "I met a boy...." and would move on to the enrapture and description a daughter would go on to share in confidence while she would be exuberant with excitement and possibilities.
Imparting with excitement, as confidences go, I would be allowed into the secret world that women share when they are optimistic over the possibilities of meeting a great guy.
Of course, I would want to hear the details if she would feel comfortable sharing.  There is always a common thread in my line of questioning:
* how did they meet?
* was it a random meeting or among friends?
* did he treat her with respect?
* what did he do?
* were they drinking, at a club or a party?
* what did he do? (student, job, career?)
* where is he from? 
* how did his kiss make her feel?

Time does have a way of sorting out whether it was the joyfulness of being young, flirting, and being beautiful to the opposite sex.  Bias aside, all three of my girls are beautiful, unique to themselves, wired differently.  
Having external beauty and inner beauty is something I am always reinforcing to them.  I have always gone on about the fact that you can be beautiful on the outside, but your character is inner self is what exudes true beauty.  
They're all quite different and what is important to each is unique.  Yet with each one, I have asked:  "How do you feel when he kisses you?"  As though that is the secret to passion, life and longevity in relationships.
Movies have forever portrayed a swooning, toe curling kiss with fireworks to mean that you have found heaven with that connection.  It may not be as dramatic as all that.  
There is something to be said on whether it leaves one warm, safe, shared intimacy of that singular exchange.  Whether it holds the promise of discovery.  
I'm not talking about a saliva-sucking physical reaction of the moment that fools many unsuspecting ladies to think that the energy is a signal to yield all.
Nor does a friendly hug and peck depict anything other than just that.  More than a regular friend but not the deep connection that can be communicated by something as simple as a kiss.
A kiss can tell you whether he will guard your heart and not trample on it.  It can convey that he may be just as enraptured as you, while just as nervous of exposing his own heart and vulnerabilities.
A kiss is symbolic.
Many women who have been married for a while or for years can often reminisce about that first kiss:  how they felt, how they knew something was spectacularly special, that the exchange was deeply meaningful holding promise, some would say that it told them of a future with this person.
There are famous kisses that have withstood the test of time, even if the relationship was fleeting. The images rarely portray the feelings I've described or experts depict.  Nevertheless, they remain as timeless as the moment they were captured:

Image source:  New York Post

In August 1945, George Mendonsa was 22 years old, a Navy quartermaster on leave from the Pacific theater. He’d dropped out of school at 16 and worked with his dad, a commercial fisherman, in Rhode Island, enlisting in the Navy after the attack on Pearl Harbor: 

So on this joyous and unbelievable afternoon, George  grabbed the first nurse he saw, spun her around, dipped her and kissed her. 
The kiss did kind of bother someone else, though: the woman in the nurse’s uniform, Greta Zimmer, who wasn’t even a nurse. She was a 21-year-old dental assistant from Queens, who, having heard rumors about the end of the war, walked over to Times Square from her office on Lexington Avenue. George says he was so drunk, he doesn’t even remember the kiss. Greta says she’ll never forget it.
Greta Zimmer was born and raised in Austria, and in 1939, after much debate, her parents insisted that Greta and her two sisters flee to America. They were among the last refugees to make it out, and even on the afternoon of Aug. 14, as Greta read the illuminated news crawl declaring the end of the war, she had no idea where her parents were, or if they were even alive.

Charlie Chaplin and Edna Purviance in Behind the Scenes, 1916

Clark Gable and Jean Harlow in Red Dust, 1932

Clark Gabel and Vivien Leigh in Gone with the Wind 1939

Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity 1953 

Disney's Lady and the Tramp, 1955

Breakfast at Tiffany's kiss with George Peppard and Audrey Hepburn, 1961

Great love story: Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton Cleopatra, 1963

John Lenon and Yoko Ono 1971

Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia ~ Star Wars 1977

John Travolta and Olivia Newton John in Grease 1978

Dirty Dancing starred Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swaze, 1987

Ghost with Demi Moore and Patric Swatze, 1990

Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet in The Titanic 1997

Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling in The Notebook 2004

Madonna kisses Britney Spears during the 2003 MTV Video Awards

There you have it:  some famous and infamous kisses ~ some we may remember while others we may want to forget.  Most of the movies are favorites and come recommended as worth watching.

Regardless of who you may be kissing this Valentines:  make it memorable!

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Awkward remorse

Most of us experience remorse at one time or another in our lives.  We women often feel  regret when we have gone and shopped a little more than we intended.  Cringing at the thought of the next credit card bill or looking at our bank statement.

  1. deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed.
    "they were filled with remorse and shame"
    synonyms:contrition, deep regret, repentancepenitence,guiltcompunction,
     remorsefulness, ruefulness,contriteness; 

I am no different.  Yet, we have to stop the senseless guilt and put to practice some ideas to offset the remorse:

* keep the receipts so you can return the items? That is not always practical because that would mean a hassle or getting around to it before the return policy expires.

* give it as a gift to someone else?
Well, sure that means you are passing your guilt on to someone else (who doesn't suspect the reason behind it.)

* donate it to charity?
Not a bad idea.  Give to someone in need who may like it as much as you do

* juggle the bills to hide the evidence?
Postponing or setting aside financial commitments is not the right way to deal with it.

* tear the tags off and hide the receipts?
That was a trick that my former mother-in-law showed me when I was engaged and we went shopping.  Her imparted advice was: when your husband asks if you're wearing something new, you say:  "No, not at all" (because you make the heck sure you have worn it to work before)

True story to demonstrate the lengths we go to hide the evidence of our shopping excursion: 

A few years ago, my husband and I were relaxing in the family room when my stepdaughter came home and, like she usually did, came in to say a few words before she would scurry into the basement.  This time was a bit different because she was holding a shopping bag. She held it up and asked:  "did someone put this in the recycling bin?" 

  1. One look at me and hubby said:  "busted!"  We all broke into a fit of laughter.  

Well, yes I was.  Guilty that is.  I had gone shopping and with intention of hiding the evidence when I got home, placed the bag in the blue recycling bin.  Later on, when hubby fell asleep on the couch, I would begin my covert operation of sneaking out to the recycling bin and bringing it in to the under the guise of darkness.

I would say I have relaxed the covert operations for the most part.  Recognizing that it was a form of nondisclosure and dishonesty.  It broke the rules of "practicing the Golden Rule" (treat others as you wish to be treated yourself).

Now, I will consciously put aside a small budget every month to allow myself to succumb to shopping fever minus the guilt.  It is a whole heck-of-alot easier.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

LIVE :: from a TV or smartphone near you :::

As it happens from the renounced birthplace of Ted Cruz (Calgary)
I'll be goshdarned!  I wouldn't have guessed it: Sanders is beating Clinton AND soundly ::: if that is the case early on (multi-tasking aka watching as I write this for my three followers). If you looked at the preliminary numbers it was a fait d'accompli (french) ::: Trump is ahead 30% with Cruz in his dust.  

Yes'm folks, there very well may be a revolution and you will have to continue along with the media bombardment and (sometimes with the distortion of) the facts ::: organizations taking on the establishment ::: with broadcasts upon channels theatrically gifted anchors and guests acting like it is a return to the hay day of the Kentucky Derby or Vellenieve (oui, Canadian) in F1 racing.  

Food half way to the mouth stopping ::: before the populace is politics of all politicking to eventually come to a finish justifying heady predictions ::: statistics running across the bottom of the screen like a ticker tape, back in the days of old (those words scrolling across the bottom of your screen).  There they were, even to the untrained and nonAmerican viewer,  the early predictions coming true this time from the polls ::: based on what?  You got it:  1% of 1/10th percent!!!

Image source:  Wallpaperscraft ::: Dragon Fantasy (via Google Search)

Switching gears:
Ok, so who else loved the love story of a long time from "Game of Thrones"?  Jack Snow with gal with the foul mouth ::: remember her?

Now, who else was a little cheesed off when they killed that whats-her-name girl with the fiery red hair and Irish lilt?   I was kind of liking having some warm and fuzzies for a change after sooooo much brutality and heads chopped off or hanging ::: holy Hanna talk about violence!  

Well guess what friggin what!?!  The handsome Jack Snow is dating her in RL (real life).  Yes ::: her

Speaking of which, what a fantastic surprise from my hubby who almost never brings me surprises:  gave me a leather notebook with this stamped on the cover.  Unlined so I can doodle or write or .... whatever I want to think about or do.

So, as I often do when I write, I go to look for a photo or image that will make a SPLASH ::: say visually what I am trying to put into words :::


Well, shiver me timbers ... the first response from our friends from Google ::: when I searched for "Game of Thrones images"  and was the first response.  On auto pilot, I click and then wowzers, upon splendor, Jack Snow and his little lady are in love in RL (real life).

Yah, I know, they are young, single (they better have been or I would withdraw my vote) met while filming and fell in love.  I mean what a set! Epically, appealing I would say and no wonder set the internet on fire faster than Trump's first Sanders insult ... outpacing Reality TV audience transfixed by watching the New Hampshire drama unfold ::: my husband is annoyingly flipping multiple channels that tell him the same thing, just different voices and faces.

I have to apologize for messing up their names ::: Game of Thrones costars Kit Harington and Rose Leslie.  Phew, sorry.  We so often get wrapped up by the truly talented best (cinematography, costumes, writing, direction, special effects and crew) assembled into a mesmerizing character we forget that they are very different, very real, people.

One last beef ::: only "highlighted" the guys name:  Kit Harington.  That sucks.  It disappoints me gravely.  I dunno, I guess I thought that People was an establishment made up mostly by women.  BOINK :: BONG :: WRONG.  Then again, women don't often help other women.  Ever notice that?  Well, I'll leave that for another day.  Here's the quote that was embossed on the notepad:


               ~TYRION LANISTER

Source:  Game of Thrones 

Monday, February 8, 2016

Immortally memorable: Christopher Reeve

I admit that I had a secret crush on Christopher

Reeve and wanted to stumble onto​ his path 

when he was in Calgary filming Superman II in 

the 80s. Unfortunately, that never happened. 

Yet this unforgettable quote came from an 

ordinary movie star who became an 

extraordinary hero.

His life demonstrates to us that however much

we think of ourselves, we can be humbled by a

power outside our control to become our true

destiny in whatever form that makes us 

memorable forever.

Once a beacon of strength in character and out,

Christopher Reeve became a symbol of courage 

in his quest for a cure by spinal cord research.

Within us (sometimes disguised) is a powerful 

talent that we need to discover. It may not 

be destined as glamour or glory, it is not ours to

decide. It lies beyond our dreams to reach out,

to grasp, capture, and embrace it.

Stroll down memory lane with me in this clip from

Superman who is getting drunk in the East 

Village of Calgary. You will see some

of our landmarks (Calgary Tower, St. Louis) ...

In our days of pining for what we want or

dwelling on what we don't, we should remember

what we have. Be full of gratitude for each 

moment and extend forgiveness when it is ours

to give.

Thanks Chris.