"Show me someone without an ego, and I'll show you a loser." ~Donald Trump
Oh go blow it out your ear Donald Trump! My gosh, soon we'll be looking up "ego" in the dictionary and it will show it is synonymous with Donald Trump. But ... you gotta admit, it works for him.
We can all think of people in our daily lives who should scale back on their ego and show some humility for a change. However, we tend to admire those same people, forgiving their confidence. What really is the difference between the two?
We talk about balance. We idolize Ghandi, Mother Theresa, and the Dalai Lama. I'm happy for that. For while we admire the courage and tenacity of many of our fellowship we tend to tune out their egotisti-cal rants don't we? Wouldn't we rather be considered to be more like Ghandi or Mother Theresa, giving of ourselves, wisdom and insights to benefit all of humanity?
Social media or internet is certainly not the place where humility resides. Take a spin through Twitter or Facebook or even a blog and you will read "me or I" far more times than "we or us".
What a complicated world we live in today. We admire those with the biggest egos, considering it as strength and we take pity on those who fade in the background, overtaken by the mighty.
If anything, take a chapter from our lives and rewrite it. We can work on our humility and be more caring of others. That would bring us to the closest thing to true happiness than anything.
We think the world expects us to be strong, confident, self-assured then it throws curveballs at us that make us want to shrivel up and hide. Why is it that the nicest people are not who come to mind whenever we think of heroes or idols?
Living a life surrounded by those others' egos will only make us feel more disappointed in ourselves. You must realize that you have the ability to make a change. You can tune out those people, avoid hanging out with them, avoid listening to their music, their talks, their preaching.
Many people have religion to find their inner peace. Then they go on about their lives listening or hanging out with those pillars we admire. Break that habit and you will slow down that turmoil that churns within. You are perfectly fine in who you are. You are nice, people like you, and you are always reaching out a hand. It is the ego that asks you why don't people appreciate that quality or acknowledge how meaningful you are.
We take nice people for granted and we look up to those who are always reminding us how great they are. We are shocked when we find out someone we admire was really warped or severely depressed. How can we not have known? It's quite simple. We're wired to listen to people talk about themselves, their achievements, their money, their power, their glory.
We avoid those that don't make us feel good about ourselves. Or, at least we should. We may, in principle, even take solid steps in doing things and being around people who make us feel good about ourselves. Those are the people that don't make us feel like we've fallen short, or that we should feel honored by their attention.
The egotistical don't give us friendship. Heck, we are their fan club. We bolster their image with our devotion, asking little in return. Our faces turn upwards and they sense the admiration. We are to blame for fueling that image.
How can we combat the need to have idols or those to worship? Knowledge. If we feed our brains with good nutrition, we will have little thoughts that can strike us down.
So what if you're not tall, or handsome, slim or good in sports. Everyone and I mean E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E has something that they are good at. Swipe aside those meaningless people or time wasters that deteriorate confidence, and promise yourself to find your true passion.
“If you are humble
nothing will touch you,
neither praise nor disgrace
because you know
what you are
~Mother Teresa
Silence those thoughts that jump out to alert you to life's shortcomings and instead fill yourself with views more meaningful.
Some of the most desperate, depressed geniuses in our time were mere humans who expressed themselves creatively. Think about Ernest Hemingway. He had a profound impact on literature and jump to knowing he was manic depressive. How many know that one of his first jobs was an ambulance driver in the first world war? He left behind his legacy of writing that most likely evolved from his many disappointments of 4 marriages. It was from multiple plane crashes in Africa, he sustained chronic pain for the rest of his life.
What about Van Gogh?
There are a few things you probably didn't know about Vincent Van Gogh. He was a serious, silent and thoughtful child. At one time, he worked as an unpaid supply teacher in a small boarding school. He wasn't so lucky in relationships. In fact, he had a domestic arrangement with an alcoholic prostitute. He had a difficult relationship with his religious father and didn't quite measure up to his expectations. Van Gogh was also ill from drink and suffered a smoker's cough. The events that led him to slice off his ear are legend and the stories many. Sadly, after years of anxiety and frequent bouts of mental illness, he died aged 37 from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
Wowzers eh? Here we have a couple of the greatest creative geniuses and we find out that they had miserable lives. Sound familiar?
You don't have to be down in the dumps before real gifts can emerge. By contrast, we don't have to look far to read or see some reference to Steve Jobs, considered one of our generations, and perhaps history will agree, gift visionaries. By all accounts, he had a normal, solid upbringing with two loving parents who encouraged his intelligence. Jobs was no saint by any means. This is the same man who stole the computer mouse idea from Xerox. He was as well known by his body odor as he was by his temper. How many founders can say that they were fired from their own companies they created? Maybe it was bad karma for stealing the most of the spotlight from Apple Computer and his co-founder Steve Wozniak
These examples are written to emphasize that no matter how great someone seems, they may be masters at something, but often less so in their personal lives.
I don't want to leave the impression that in order to be great, you have to have a little bit of craziness. What I want to emphasize is that those heroes were mere mortals, with demons and shortcomings. You are ahead of the game.
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| Tree Blowing In The Wind by Janell R Colburn |
Promise yourself to let go of what is past, as though floating behind the winds of change. Carve out what matters to you and seek to study it and define your own niche.
The beauty of this world, is that you can basically grasp so many opportunities. Take the word "but" out of your vocabulary and don't replace it with "however" either (like me). Be equally careful with "yet" "nonetheless" or "still". They are show stoppers. They are your signal that you are going to say or think something negative.
Get a "Dream Journal".
Cut and paste the best quotes, inspirations that resonate with you and tack them in there. Create only one rule: you only write or keep things that are positive. Focus on the good and write it down. You don't have to tell anyone about it. You don't want to turn it into a brag book either. We're not talking about a closet ego. Just finding peace in the now, looking for the things that make you excited by the endless possibilities.
Doodle, color, or sketch in it if that floats your boat. This is not a place where ego resides. You cannot keep regrets, dwell on bitterness, or whine about what could have been -- remember those things floated away in the past by winds of change.
One step at a time, one day at a time. You have just decided that Ernest can keep his legacy, Van Gogh can stay in museums. Because you are going to be somebody you decide you want and will be.
e·go·tis·ti·cal
ˌēɡəˈtistək(ə)l/
adjective
- excessively conceited or absorbed in oneself; self-centered."he's selfish, egotistical, and arrogant"
synonyms: self-centered, selfish, egocentric, egomaniacal,self-interested, self-seeking, self-absorbed,narcissistic, vain, conceited, self-important;
"His/her egotistic lifestyle has alienated many people over the years"
