I was offline for a few days. Mostly because we had a wicked thunderstorm that took my internet and TV for a tailspin. TV I don't mind. You may as well cut my right hand off when it is the internet connection.
Funny how important being online becomes. Call it an addiction or a very strong desire to be connected. I'd like to think it is a little bit of both.
The other matter why I was distracted was because of a tragedy that struck my sister. I've been known to give her a lot of credit for years because she has the patience of a saint and is truly an angel among us. Both her and her husband.
As a bystander, sister, and family member, it has been amazing to watch how she could be a Foster Mom to special needs children and those nobody else would want to help. I have to sadly admit that if I were to lend a hand for a child, I would be inclined to help a fully functioning one. Not my big sis. She reaches out as a Foster Mom, with her strong religious beliefs to give her strength and her genuine big heart, to help those children that fall into "the system" because of the shortcomings of their natural parents. She has had kids envelope into her home that had moms that were prostitutes and abused. She has opened her arms to those that have severe disabilities that are scratched off of anyone looking to adopt a child because they want a brand new baby, like a clean slate, to enter into their homes. Not my sister. She didn't debate or reflect on the impact, she just brought them in.
I always admired her and her husband's patience, love and strength to bring a child into their home that was not of their making but to make the most of the child. It extended beyond them to their own three children who made it a part of their family and brought acceptance into their world.
Over the years there have been some sad situations these children were born to. They were never sad to my sister or her husband, they were children that needed help. They opened their arms, gave them their heart and absorbed their needs as their own.
We hear about Foster Parents. Often it is shocking, rarely is it about the ones that are angels. My sister is such an angel. Gifted with children as others are talented building businesses, amassing money, or finding fortune. She should be rich as a reward for what she has done for these many lost children from lost souls called parents.
The "system" takes these kids from parents that cannot cope with them. Whether it is because they have trouble with addictions, poor lifestyles, or simply unable to nurture the child that they brought into the world. Thank heaven their are angels like my sister who reaches out to bring them into her arms and love them. Unconditionally.
Such was the good fortune of a young boy when he was four. His mother had already four children by different fathers and she was only 24. Social services decided that she was not fit for this boy and he was put out into the system. Thankfully, my sister was there.
At four, he was unable to speak or communicate his needs nor accustomed to a loving home. That changed when he walked into my sister's home. He learned sign language and his frustrations were minimalized by just being able to express himself. Eventually he could say a couple of words, only a couple, yet Ma-Ma and Da-Da meant the world.
He had a unique smile and it reached the soul of anyone he shone it on. He had a goofy, fun personality that even my own kids grew to adore and accept. Our family knew that a visit from my sister and her family was sure to include him. It went without saying.
Lucky for me and my children, we learned from him. Sure he did things that were different - from a boy with special needs. Certainly, he had a contagious smile that allowed any of us to forget that. He touched others in a way that extended beyond words. He tested our boundaries on what is normal. He taught us acceptance.
This boy grew and grew. He was perhaps bigger than many his same age, with a bigger heart than most. Unfortunately, he started to have seizures. Often unprovoked, unexpected and without cause. This was distressing to my sister, but never faltered her love or commitment to help this boy.
This past week, on the morning of Canada Day, July 1st, my sister was making blueberry pancakes, the boy's favorite. Oddly, the smell didn't bring him to the kitchen so she asked her husband to go wake him up. Sadly, he couldn't be woken up. He had passed away during the night from a seizure.
My sister's heart is broken. He was the love of her life and every new gesture, sign or smile showed promise. It was never clear whether he was her angel or she was his. What was to be was there were two angels among us.
Hats off to dads everywhere! So much attention goes to moms because we are the ones who endure 9 months of pregnancy, give birth and often considered the primary caregivers.
The importance of fathers has been under appreciated by history and stereotypes. However, most of us know first hand how important our dads are in our lives.
As life unfolds, we get older and they pass on. Often it is only then there lingers many wise words and wisdom shared.
I loved my father's stories. As his elderliness was settling in, he often repeated them. Then there may have been concern for his forgetfulness and a hint of exasperation on having to hear it again. Now I look back to realize each time there was a golden nugget to cherish and learn from.
I really miss my father. Yes he was tough when I needed to be taught a lesson. He certainly displayed strength in difficult circumstances. I think of him as a hero, handsome man with such dark eyes that did seem to sparkle when he was laughing. He wasn't a teaser - he left that to my brothers. He wasn't always there, he was a provider. He was wise and could drill down to the heart of the matter.
I'm lucky. I had my father for many many years. As his body started to betray his vitality, he made up for it by wanting to talk. He liked when my mom was out so he would call any one of us kids to talk, share those stories but most of all shield us from hurt, mistakes we made, and be brave for us when our own resources were depleting. He was there when it counted and I needed him most.
As a kid I was disappointed if he didn't come to my skating competitions or tests, yet he always made it to the shows, bursting with pride. He was important in his job and in those days kids didn't telephone their parents. The very few times I did, he would come home and say how impressed everyone was with my articulation or manners. He was proud and a proud man.
Dads are not knights with armor to protect us against harm. They have faults, they have weaknesses and life doesn't always hand them everything so they can, in turn, provide for family and hand down to children. However, we should respect how important that role is to everyone in society. We should help those who need help being a father. Everyone benefits.
I think my dad, for all his accomplishments and a tough journey to get there, appreciated and lived life to be remembered with honor and love. I know he had regrets and may have had a few unfulfilled wishes. Yet, he wasn't afraid to stand up for what was right and expected great things to come from all of us kids, and then his grandkids.
I am happy to have had such a father. Without him, I wouldn't have learned as much or nourished by his encouragement.
He did a pretty good job. He matters now as he did back then. He did leave a legacy and one of them was me. Yes, I do feel sadness some days and would love to hear one more of those stories.
"A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men."
~Unknown
Every day is a new day and a new beginning. What we do with our time is important. It is one of our most valuable resources.
Yesterday, I talked about getting into the ZEN of living life. Taking a day to goof off, do nothing but what strikes one's fancy. We should all have a power down day. Rethink, regroup and regain momentum for living life to the fullest.
After I wrote the blog about doing nothing but relaxZEN, I made up for it in the evening. I'm not nocturnal by nature, nor am I an early riser. Last evening after hubby and I watched an episode of the final season 7 of Sons of Anarchy, I painted a flower pot for the garden, scrubbed the floor - yeah, I know, really related eh? I didn't mention I was swigging the wine to fuel the creativity and boost the energy. Admittedly, it hampered my productivity today somewhat.
By golly, I realized, I truly am in the middle of everything:
- Middle aged
- Mid career
- Mid life crisis
- Mood swinger
- Menopausal
- Mother
- Magnificent
It wasn't a complete waste because I spent a number of times on the phone with my youngest daughter, who moved to Vancouver last August, got a job in 10 days with the top law offices and was let go last week ... something about restructuring, consolidating and seniority decision making. Right after a booming, glowing performance review the month before. Yep, that's life. She'll be 21 next month and is smarter in many ways than I was at her age.
We had a really good chuckle when I referred to myself as the "Fired Master" and she called me the "Fire Queen". She's already had a number of calls and interviews lined up. I'm thankful that she calls me every day and when crisis strikes it can be multiple times (it used to be typically boyfriend related, but she has an awesome beau now).
Today, it was about weeding the garden a bit, moving flowers around and touching up the flower pot from wine-induced painting outside the lines.
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping was my slogan in my 40s, when hard work paid off with high career which meant hard decisions. I work now, but it is shift oriented. I spent my 30s raising kids while climbing the career ladder. I spent my 40s recoiling from divorce and remarrying. Now that I've hit 50, I want everything to be about balance. It doesn't matter any more if I have a title. What is important is doing a good job .... taking what I have preached to my kids for years: it doesn't matter whether you're the janitor or the boss, do a great job regardless!
Oh, I better get going. I have a sizzling dinner on the BBQ: boneless, skinless chicken that had been marinating in a jar of gluten free Satay sauce with white potatoes and salad. I took pride in using the fresh herbs I started growing last year that makes the mouth water and adds such magnificent flavor.
Great news about chocolate considered a dairy product - I didn't realize that chocolate was part of the daily food group. Who doesn't love chocolate? (Anyone who isn't menopausal and gives a rats ass about diet).
I guess my mood today is more about being helpful and healthy. On that tone, I added favorite blogs to Meanderings. There are some that have been favorites for years (i.e. Animated Woman and Rodney Pikes) with a few newly discovered to share. It goes with the helpful, healthy mood today.
"When you've done the technical part, you're then into the joy, the zen, into being. Technology no longer exists for you. You're then into the mystery of the thing you're doing."
~William Shatner
I had a number of things to do today on a day off. However, I did think to myself yesterday that I would give myself a day of nothing. Nothing to do, no chores, no coffee with friends, no work, no thinking - notta, nope, not gonna, nevermind.
So what I did instead was go to Polymore (which I hadn't been for months) to create a look and feel for doing nothing but relax and be in the moment.
I used the word Zen in my post title and realized that there are probably a number of mutations to what the word really meant, so I looked it up on the handy dandy Wikipedia:
Zen
Zen is a school of Mahayana Buddhism that developed in China during the Tang dynasty as Chán. From China, Chán spread south to Vietnam, northeast to Korea and east to Japan, where it became known as Japanese Zen.
Zen emphasizes rigorous meditation-practice, insight into Buddha-nature, and the personal expression of this insight in daily life, especially for the benefit of others. As such, it deemphasizes mere knowledge of sutras and doctrine and favors direct understanding through zazen and interaction with an accomplished teacher.
Huh? I thought it was all about being at peace with oneself and one's environment. I guess I have a little bit more learning to do.
To share my expressiveness today, this is what I created on Polyvore (when I should have been doing something else: housework, paperwork, etc.)
The one thing I did do was take my dog, Buddy, for a walk. We both enjoyed it.
"My blogging life is basically goalless. I like the zen nature of that, and paradoxically, it improves results."
~Seth Godin
Over the years there have been some sad situations these children were born to. They were never sad to my sister or her husband, they were children that needed help. They opened their arms, gave them their heart and absorbed their needs as their own.
This boy grew and grew. He was perhaps bigger than many his same age, with a bigger heart than most. Unfortunately, he started to have seizures. Often unprovoked, unexpected and without cause. This was distressing to my sister, but never faltered her love or commitment to help this boy.
