Know the rules before you start communicating

There are often repetitive messages in my Meanderings, and it is rewarding when someone of superior intelligence grasps the meaning behind the messages.

Mike and I began our Social Media journey at about the same time (2010) ::... I was nudged a little harder over the cliff into the abyss slightly before him, and became what I thought as an unlikely mentor to someone who was highly successful and brilliant in his own right -- a successful book launch being a key metric that I recognized early on as a method to delve into credibility online among the endless noise and self-promotion of many self-described "experts".

Steadfast still, I am firmly entrenched in the belief that nobody can define themselves as an expert, no matter how many followers one has.  It is derived from how others describe you:  what do others consider you knowledgeable about is one thing, being credited as an expert quite largely another.

Mike reached out to me a couple of weeks ago via email, one of the few entrusted connections online that have never been derived from a face-to-face meeting at an event, social or association.  Not even a telephone conversation.

Having a virtual or personal conversation with a man who is not a relative, business associate is frowned upon as it can lead "to other things".  However, you can still be disciplined in having rich conversations and exchange of knowledge and learning from others regardless of gender.   There is an invisible line that should never be crossed.  

During a isolated time in my life when I was a regular church attendee, I still recall a message that resonates today from a wise Pastor:  do not be afraid to create friendships or be asked for advice from the opposite gender.  However, there are some areas to stay far from to keep it from falling into a downward, unethical spiral:

1. Include others in the conversation so that it is not isolated, clustered by only two (the Pastor suggested that he invites his wife to any meeting or event that he wants to avoid falling into the trap of questionable conversations, particularly marriage counselling).
2. It is okay to sprinkle in nuggets about your life partner, spouse, wife or husband, children, as a distinct flag that you are if not always happy, happiest with the person you are with and have no intention to stray.  Cheating is not at your core values.
3. Keep it professional so that at any given time, the conversation may be shared with a sibling, friend, child, parent, spouse, partner without any guilt.
4. Keep the topic off of relationship radars:  particularly complaints about your partner's shortcomings, dissatisfaction with your relationship in any shape or form.  That should be with your church minister or mosque elder.
5. You can have a respectful, fruitful relationship with a person of the opposite sex, when your radar clearly signals "in a committed relationship with not a sliver of disregard or disrespect of your life partner".
6. Any of these apply to anyone with leanings towards same sex or transgender relationships.

You CAN have helpful, rewarding relationships with anyone so long as you know your boundaries and it is clearly communicated by not so much by what you say but how you act.

Happy healing and healthy being

When it seems like all other areas in your life are falling apart, there is only one thing you can possibly control:

HOW YOU REACT!

If you try to be the best person inside, true to your truest character, spectacular vibe and kindness to everyone ~ you HAVE the ability the change not only how you view the world, but also how the world views you.

After facing bullying myself for the first time in my life after turning 56 years old just this past April, I find strength building within me, not without the assistance of my therapist Marjory.

At this prime time age [ NIX the MIDDLE AGE already!] you have earned the right to be who you ARE!

Fashion 911 Board on Pinterest > SOURCE < Link

I'm not saying if you're a guy, you are aspiring to be a character cast permanently henceforth as the "grumpy old guy" or "old perv".  Nor am I suggesting that we women have to resort to comfy shoes only, bloaty tops with massive floral collage intended as a decoy to hide that post-menopausal early trimester pregnancy look [ that MOST women experience regardless of race, color, demographic  [= age + education + where you live], location, living conditions].

You MAY think if you wear those life-weary looks of drooling at really young girls or scowling at their belly buttons showing or deep enough cleavages that makes toe jam look like a speck of dirt.

What about testing my theory?
Be the truest you that you can possibly be!  There is no linkage or printed guides or rule books or user manuals or YouTube videos required.  Totally unique to you, wired closely between the head and the heart.  More close to your identity than your DNA.  You.

Who you were meant to be.
Forget about looking at the past.  Examining and spending so much agonizing energy on what ifs?  You CAN start to be you.  There is NEVER never enough time.  You do not need pocketfuls of money or unlimited VISA limits for shopping or pulling together your look.

Yes, it starts inside.
Nothing more difficult than asking yourself:  "What do you want?"  At my first therapy, recovering anxiety from the bullying experience, Marjory started with that simple question.

Journal til there's no ink left.
That was the instruction.  Start writing and writing and writing.  Regardless of what you are writing.  No judgement, complete privacy, just empty your heart and your head essentially is what I thought it meant.  Yeah, it took me outta my blogging, which has been mostly a release of the brain:  sharing what I know.

Helping people.
That's what I like doing most.  I tend to focus on avoiding the pitfalls that I've had to go through in order to clear the air and focus on moving forward.  By saying forward, I am meaning mostly that you are just .... 

LETTING GO ... 
..... letting go of the past.  With a big picture in mind, putting all the junk in a bubble:  lack of confidence, humble beginnings, shortfall in knowledge (aka lack of formal education), poor body image, horrible childhood, victimization, gender or race discrimination, divorce, violence, bullying, failure, disappointment, hurt ......... put it into the bubble [ aka journal if you need to about that stuff so that you can talk it over with a therapist ~ breaking the rules of letting it go ].  

THE BUBBLE FLOATS AWAY
Bouncing with the tide and blowing with the wind, the bubble has left you behind.  Now what are you going to do?

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF
Now that you let all that toxic waste float away in the bubble, what do you have left?  Only YOU.  What does that look like, how do you look?  That's where the "What do you want?" steps in.

What do you want?
You can write and think all you like about lists upon lists of the little things to the gigantic dream.

"The bigger the dream,

   the more the hard work."

  ~ Jeannette Marshall 

    @optioneerJM 

No item too big or too small.
If it is what you want, it is what you want. Remember, in your private journal, it is YOU, it is private, it is between "Me, myself & I" if you need a debate or thrive on controversy go for it.

BIG DREAMS = HARD WORK
There are no short cuts for you skippies out there who like to dart around things and stomp on people to get to where they want to be.  What seems like an overnight miracle are years of perspiration:  that's what I extracted from watching THE NINETIES by CNN where its focus was really about the first kings of technology:  STEVE JOBS and BILL GATES.  Even if you want to lean towards sympathizing with the founders of NETSCAPE, stop it.  They earned millions of dollars on an idea they were able to execute.

EXECUTE ideas.
Don't just talk about it, give your ideas away, or work for a company who will gladly swipe that idea under the umbrella of corporate regulations and employment contracts:  what you create there becomes their property.

Life is unfair.
Get used to it.  Heck, if you're in your 40s or beyond you should know this by now and stop talking about it or how luck evaded you.

GET THINGS DONE
 Getting things done requires elbow grease or perspiration or agonizing or choices.  Checking things off mental lists that surface in the middle of the night when you are longing for slumber.  EXECUTE. Complete.  Finito.  Bon Voyage.  NEXT? Get'er'done already!

I got ahead of myself again, per usual.  Jump forward, bending sideways, and sometimes losing the very important point.  I guess that is the part of blogging that I really enjoy:  helping others and exhausting those thoughts that don't fit into a journal and may be better to share.

When I wrote what I wanted, it wasn't about material things, I am very fortunately married to Hunkster Hubster which I appreciate most days [ trials and tribulations of married life is normal ].  Sure, I'd love a much bigger house in a tropical locale with the web my biggest tool [ or hammer, depending upon my mood ].  

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE
Was what I thought I really wanted.  Until you try it, you don't really realize or appreciate how difficult that is.  I think it was Oprah Winfrey probably in the 90s who got everyone thinking about having a GRATITUDE journal, whereby you wrote about what was positive that happened that day.  Even as you wake up, you can write down what you look forward to that day.

COGNITIVE BEHAVIOR 
I am at the very early, formative stage of doing cognitive behavior development.  With my baby toe on my right foot touching the tip hesitantly.  I hardly think it is possible without emptying the brain and the heart of anything toxic, and placing it in the bubble to float away.

Happy healing and healthy being,

Jeannette xo

Make new friends, love the old

one is silver and the other GOLD
as I grow each older, the more appreciative I've become of so many wonderful experiences to be blessed with, never for a moment taking any of it for granted.

working one's self to the core 
doesn't do anyone favors (p.s. in Canadianese the American favors is favored by spell check, but we Canadians taught articulation in the late 60s and the early 70s were blessed with the very big gift of expression. ..... :: anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyys [an 80s term for those yuppies still out there, and the Millennial wannabes ::.... how things have evolved eh?

In the folds of being born of the 60s
like wallflowers to the Baby Boomers, we observed, we absorbed the best parts, we have held our composure, and now we are parents of the gift to our generation:  the gift of the Millennial Bloom.  

We're pretty lucky
even though if you paid attention to statistics and stereotypical behavior, those born in the 60s were pre-packaged to lean towards failure.  If you think stereo-typing is dangerous, especially to mental health, think of the resilience and tenacity of anyone you know, been lucky enough to have met, or heaven help you if you're an offspring.

A beacon of light
to the Millennials is their embrace of the 80s culture.  Is it because there is a soul connection of what those of us in our 20s in the 80s aligned with what our own Millennials are facing.

Where optimism can be restored
when you think of what great things, events, game-changers occurred in the 80s, introduced back then, every day now.  

Boxers who come out of the corner
jumping into the obstacle ahead, head of, crouched in readiness to take the offensive with hardly a sniffle and long before a drop of sweat.  That would define those who lived their 20s in the 80s.  

I graduated from college in the 80s
and it was a great platform to launch a career.  Not limited by the restrictive curriculum, more persevering to land beyond the world of conformity, censorship, polite manners, poise and abloom with everything is impossible, we may as well make the impossible possible.

I notice some really talented folks out there.  Some that mere names crossed paths with me.  What a crazy, crazy CRAZY time, when I think back to it.  With gurgling reflection caught and captured from my conversation with my mother this afternoon.

Being the parent of a Millennial
is a worrisome, full board, attentive preoccupation.  You revel is the brilliance shining from your child born, first in 1989, with the others to follow in the 90s.  

We're lucky so they are lucky
as well.  Like skipping stones across a glass-like lake or quietly lapping ocean shore.  We may have been born in inopportune times, faced some pretty insur-mountable odds.  What we share is that grasp of not expecting anything for free, without commitment, not always sacrifice [ often by choice ] understanding the basic rightful work ethic:  

* work hard
* work honestly
* work with integrity
* be known for your word without all the numerous
* be committed to quality

* whatever you do, do it with pride

* love who you do it with, who you're surrounded by

* do your best always, it always pays off in spades

A dog eat dog world 
began with the Baby Boomers with entitlement mastered by GenX.  Where those born of the 60s, grew in the 80s, parents of the Millennials >> skipped >> over the hay days and landed in the middle of the first recession since the 1929 stock market crash [ if you do not know anything about this historical event, pause this article and go find out about it .... as my commitment to you as a blogger, you read ] we had to survive.  Really not much opportunity to learn as funds dried up and kids had to go leave post-secondary because their was some sort of crisis in their lives, with their family, that took more important measure instead.

Learn from your elders
as much as you can.  No time will be wasted.  I can guarantee that!  Talking to my mother, with so many wise words shared.  I even said to her:  "I hope I remember all of this for when I write later".  The gift of her wisdom was shone brightly upon me, like a face of a flower blooming forward towards the sun.  

I was a sponge in the 80s
that was my greatest gift.  I only had a college diploma, not even a university degree.  It was enough to teach me discipline and that anything worthwhile doesn't come free, without commitment and stick-to-it-ness that is just emerging within the Millennial generation.  

Millennials have faced fear
reflected in their parents eyes.  A strong, tough upper lip, and a straight spine.  We weren't even considering weakness, with goals clearly defined in our line of vision.  

Dedication, optimism ~
contagiously positive attitudes were bestowed upon our offspring.  Whether they grasped those sprinkles of enlightenment and hung on to the best qualities we shared.

Nobody is perfect
and neither is anyone who defines themselves as a Yuppie.  [ Or admits in select company and trusted members ] Who wear it as an emblem of pride, saying "who cares?" if they still have enough hair left to grow a mullet, why not?

As the Millennials groan
and tsk tsk with embarrassment to their very influential peers.  What their peers think of them is more important than their parents, their boyfriend, or their employer slash / boss could ever dream.  A peer sets the benchmark and the height of the peddle stool they are awarded, acclaimed, worshiped or refrained.

Be still thine parental heart
it is just a mutation of your chromosomes, evolved and collided with nature and environment to form an independent being, an individual.  I know it is very hard.  Like a moth does to a butterfly without the loss of the moth, is the butterfly allowed to form.

Be glad, be proud and be boastful
toward anyone who'll listen.  Those are the ones you want to be around.  They can relate, or your words resonate with them.

Unlike my mom's words
this afternoon.  They were so wise, so enlightening ... almost as though I was leaving a cocoon.    While I'd been living these 55 years, I was enclosed in a small outlook, not looking far beyond to where flowers bloom and the sun's flower is warm with a gentle wind, with an iced tea at my elbow.  I'm careful I don't give it a nudge to topple it over as I tap, tap, tap with the rhythm of my 1979 typing class on an electric typewriter.  Graduating exceeding 120 clicks minutes  ::.... now WHAT was it called back in those days when we took our speed tests on a manual typewriter?  Hmmmm I think it was ... nope not characters per second, or any variation of the Times New Roman font that was the only letters to be had, to write a letter, draw up an agreement or a contract.  

Some of us grew up with carbon copy
yet how many know what that material is?  What it is like to try to avoid staining your fingers on the sticky substance on its back with a wrapping-paper thin or thinner-than-onion paper thin [ I'm sure Google can show you what either of those things are .... if not, Wikipedia for sure ].

This is a story for those 
who remember the glory of being a yuppie.  Bringing in the 80s as we all turned 20.  That is a pretty unique identifiable experience, a uniqueness we can own.  A significant contribution to our society came from our decade.  [ you may have to dig back to my other INBETWEENERs blog (before we evolved to be called "YUPPYDOM" ) mere weeks ago I wrote about those who graduated from the 1960s and became icons of our time.  Across borders, beliefs, colors, race or country, the class of the 1960s born are unique with much to boast about.

Keep steady on the present.
Slam the door or gently close the past.  Forget about the future because it isn't anything you can touch right now.  So you may as well be aware of the present and make every moment count!

where everything is impossible, 

we may as well make the 

impossible possible

~Jeannette Marshall

A culture of work ethic and optimism

Any smart employer or start up would be smart to consider an Inbetweener (1960-65) for hire.  Just take a look at what The New York Times said dispelling the myth that older workers are less productive and generally are weighing down the economy.

I agree with their observation.  Why?  Simply because I’m an older worker and I was hatched when there was a lot going on.  In fact, the first cold war, economic downturn not experienced since the 1920s depression.  There is a strong likelihood that my parents were children of the Great Depression, and raised me to be able to cope with such an event.

Think about it, the next recession to hit occurred just as I was graduating from high school, completed college, ready to get started with optimism and a strong work ethic bestowed by my parents.

Employers are missing the key element that brings the younguns the right example and proper expectations to reality.  We were born to be responsible, accountable and soldiers of work.

 

This same group that is debated also worked through the optimism that emerged in the late 1980s.  Some of the greatest discoveries and technological wonders impacted the world just as we were getting started.  There were no fancy training courses or charts to reference, we simply had to have a “can do” attitude to survive.  If we survived the prolific foreclosures of that era, unscathed, it was likely because we capitalized on others’ misfortune and scraped our pennies together to buy our first house.  Our aging parents were perplexed as to why were were putting home ownership before having children.

Not really surprising, looking back.  Almost anyone could have a child, but mostly everyone was uncertain whether the economy and opportunities were going to get any worse.  So we had to seize the moment and dive in.

 

 

We were fueled by the fear of not wanting to have to face what our parents’ childhood did, nor did we want to be victim of what was circulating around us:  doom and gloom.  Not just economically either.  There was a cold war going on.

I watch CNN’s series on the 80s and it sometimes makes me wonder if I was asleep during this period?  However, the biggest news stories of the day did register on my radar.  Yet I was simply too busy buckling down and working to keep from drowning from economic disaster.

 

One could take a look at that period and extrapolate a culture of survivorship, strong work ethic and ingenuity that came along with that era.   We weren’t afraid to start at the bottom and work our way up from the bottom.  So different from the sense of entitlement expounding today.

So, if I happen to be surrounded by Millennials, they should be so lucky.  Anyone in their 50s, born of the 80s careers, has an element of work ethic and the right attitude that an employer should want to sprinkle into their workforce.

 

Today’s employers think they’re pretty nifty to use technology to prove who is producing and who should be perished to the unemployment line.  Metrics have displaced instinct and doing what is right for their business and their customers.  Why, because they have strengths that are likely not acknowledged, never mind recognized:

1. They know how to get it done right the first time – slower does not mean stupid.
2. Speed and agility is aligned with accuracy – what happens when it’s done wrong?
3. They have pride in their work and are often overlooked because employers want to fast track the younger workers to ensure that they are cultivated to perform.
4. Beauty is often disassociated with age.  When there are so many beautiful people that are aging and setting strong examples for the youth.
5. They avoid sitting around feeling sorry for themselves because they were not brought up to think that way.
6. They were taught that if things aren’t going your way, it means you have to work harder.

Can you think of other attributes that the aging workforce contributes?  I certainly can think of at least a dozen more.  But I’m more excited to write this commentary and send it out into the universe to capture others that agree and stop the downward spiral of misinterpreting value that should be embraced, not shuffled off into obscurity.

 

Then again, there are some of us that write a Blog to expel our wisdom to the masses.  To head off mistakes that surely are happening from this mistaken philosophy.  There are simply so many of us that began our careers at the worst time in decades, until recently, that can be learned from, not banished.  We’re survivors, we’re really smart, and we have the “can do” attitude that no metric or test can uncover.

 

 

RE-POST from The Zeit

Finding alternative uses for vegetables keeps your taste buds guessing, and boosts your nutrition! Cauliflower contains sulforaphane, which acts as an antioxidant and helps detox your system utilizing enzymes. Cruciferous vegetables are believed to lower risk of cancer due to these beneficial sulforaphanes. Ricing or mashing cauliflower allows you to mold the flavors you desire […]

via I Mashed and Riced Cauliflower – This Is What Happened! — The Zeit