The meaning of life: now, that IS a beautiful thing

READ THIS FIRST

I even amazed myself ... reading this almost a year later.  Really crowning the website I did launch over a year ago [ www.graFX.online ] and left stagnant less the original gusto that comes when an idea bursts forward and fights to find solid ground.  A central repository of all my blogs, depending open my knowledge (typically business, sales or social media as @optioneerJM and its affiliate blogspot blog of the same name all under the social media persona I created in and around 2008 when a champion friend, mentor and cheerleader, Donna deMan pushed me off the cliff into the stratosphere online, starting on Linked In, then branching out to TWITTER where I was so thankfully introduced to a group of early adopters of social media with a lot of class, talent, skill and some sort of charm or charisma that people became drawn to:  those are still the forefathers.  Maybe I'll do a blog and ask people who I think impacted and guided me about remembering me (if) or what they remember most about me .... that would be fun {INSERT} imaginary virtual assistant who hussles off an email to me to serve as a reminder and then adds it to her notes to cover during our weekly phone call [not to mention quarterly luncheon to touch base personally and address anything more sensitive, needing more personal attention than day to day "STUFF".  

Well, I dreamed of writing and wishing about eventually being able to be paid for what I do, and I'm happy to say I like the direction this is going.  An assembly of blogs from an average, yet bright, confident yet sensitive business lady with a twist of this whirlpool of stuff may have some value.  Putting it under one umbrella:  www.graFX.online allows me to give it all under one setting.  

It is a hobby though.  Not an occupation, more like a preoccupation or passion that would be more inline with who I am, not who others want me to be or think they know me to be.  An honest reflection under one transparent crystal chandelier of my life.  

I think I really like the sweet spot that I may have found in THE PUBLISHER:  creative writings that would otherwise a) be lost after it was a fleeting idea or b) be stifled because they wouldn't land softly in the more tumultuous life I lead only a year later from when this blog was written.

I like to think I sounded optimistic and embracing the age on the farther side of 50 and coasting towards 60, amid big waves and whitecaps hitting us at this moment when everything is suppose to be rosy. 

 
After witnessing my own parents marriage of more than 50 years of togetherness [and other times of hellishness] and ending up with a partner in life, legally professed as husband, a father to one and a stepfather to a few, ending up after one failed marriage attempt renewed with optimism when we vowed to create a family among all four, equally treated with fairness.  Fast forward 11 years later:  it lived more like a mythical horror epic in the last 9 weeks.  We all discovered that Rob was a big piece of the glue that made us all stick.  And that is a beautiful thing. 

Millennial Mom Mutterings ....

Isn't life suppose to teach the parent a lesson so that they are able to head off their offspring to the same crumbling fait?

I say potatoe, you sound like potata.

I roll my eyes and you purse your lips, when you want to emphasize your point.

A very wise man (my father) often asked: "What's the payoff?"

With my dad, that was the clue  we were to shut up and really reflect on the question and be very sure from the curl in our toes before we would dare speak up!  Never mind answer the question.

Well, dad.  Rob was the pay off!

I never quite knew the answer when it came to Rob and you'd ask me those 12 or 13 years ago.  His daughter would be double the age now from when we first met.  Definitely, because of my dad, I had to have really opened my eyes into what I was getting myself into.

Fear:  that's natural,
so many would say ... even today
as a daughter embarks on a marriage
I hope her father will be asking her
from the beginning, these wise WISE
words:  

WHAT'S THE PAYOFF?

While I become weary of family dynamics that are far worse than I could imagine for myself now, nor anyone I know.

Try being the legally married spouse to a man whom I adore, and my one great love [that's the easy part].

Try that man's life probably saved because she was there, acted quickly upon by his spouse, in every form imaginable.  When speaking to the Chief Resident on the neurological team, who asked me to call him by his first name [ undisclosed to secure privacy ].  I was asking him a few questions, or many as I am oft to do, whether genetics, health of the patient or whatever is the main reason for Rob's remarkable recover?

Kind Chief Doctor Resident said that the quickness to reaction and the outstanding diagnosis of The South Campus, was likely a highly contributing factor to his amazing recovery.

What's the PAYOFF       in keeping me around?

For someone who is often considered arrogant or cocky, as you can imagine, the list may be very sparse.

To that I say:

I am not perfect
... it is not something i could promise now or even from our beginning

Sometimes I talk too much
... with only the kindest and heartfelt intensions

I don't like what you say
.... not because it is true is it?

If you like what I say
.... or do or buy or compliment anything and everything to do with you.

REMEMBER:  I like to keep my promises
...  which was a shortcoming of your father who just wanted to make you happy

If you asked your dad to take you to the moon, he would have
...  and that was one of his most redeeming qualities:  how he treated you!

Your dad wanted to give you a family
...  I was part of the package.  A mother figure is important to every girl's lives.

Perhaps by now you are stunned to discover there is no ranting or raving
.... why so?  Unless I feel beaten or put in my place?

The one important quality I share with you
... because I was once someone's "Daddy's Girl" who passed on 10 years ago

I lost my father, there is never an opportune time
... so maybe, just maybe, I can actually understand what you are going though.

EXCEPT, my father is gone ..... AND your father is healing.
... you know how he thinks you treat me, just be who that means.

words i try to live by

A MOM's BRAG BOOK of her four Millennial hipsters, happeners, hopesters

None of my kids read any of my blogs
so it is pretty near 100% guaranteed that it is true.  However, my one daughter told me that at least one of her friends reads this blog Out of the 6 or 7 blogs that I curate and/or I write about varying topics that interest me or developed or furthering knowledge on something that grabs me.

Having grown up conversations with a daughter is a new and wonderful experience.  How far we've both grown from a nervous wreck of a mother, tasked with an ailing son who needed additional care and attention while she was a bright shining star, oozing with talent from every pore.  

A mother's gift is sometimes recognizing the gift in her children.  Why else would Elvis Presley's mom have been the subject of his first recording?  A miracle talent nurtured and encouraged by a mother's love.  There are far too few examples shared in the world these days.  

SIDEBAR:  (I haven't done one of these for quite some time, ahem) ... what I'd like to find somewhere to read about or watch a written for TV series on Ivana Trump's influence on her daughter's beauty, grace, composed and elegant carriage.  There is a girl who was taught graciousness, humility and manners without a hint or trace of malice or arrogance, nor attesting to a special station in life.  

Then there is Prince William, agonizingly losing his mother (whom I often am outstandingly astonished at his gift of connecting with people of all ages, races, genders placing aside whatever other conceivable dividers there are and bridging gaps.  Leading by example.


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I came to blog here and discovered this had not been posted (above) so I went hunting for some photos or art that would convey the feeling, vibe and message of what I have written.

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Since I am not 100% myself, feeling anxious about the future with Rob, praying that there is a future no matter what the circumstances:  for better or worse vows of 11 years ago.  

Thoughts are floating and I'm not trying to stifle them.  Acceptance that downsizing to a bungalow would be practical.  Even comparing facilities/condos in Calgary and Edmonton for 55 + which I had really only come to realize.

Denial of sorts.  
It seems like any step in any direction that is not 100% tied to Rob's current condition, is stopped.  One day, one minute, one report at a time.

I may float other photos out that I may just be able to get away with under the radar from the kids.  Pick your moments, not your battles.  Allows a calmness that you may not think you possess.

Rebel nerds

Easter 2015

Nephew Shawn and son Kyle 

Adulting dinner out 

First selfie with youngest daughter 

Changing hairdos reflect changing attitudes.

Only Uncle & Only Nephew 

Understands values, is loyal and treats other kindly

BEST female Gamer ever! (HINT:  this is her gamer meme character)

Pretty as her picture, kindness at her core

A kind daughter, generous sister and supportive friend

A thinker

A doer

She is who she is (note comfy shoes and glasses on)

Romantic, happily married Newlyweds 

Living life face on

WITH CHILDREN: Listen, and you won't hear a pin drop

Creating the appropriate dialogue with teens and especially young adults who have crossed the bridge from "adulting" (current term by the bottom curve of Millennial) to land in the planet of responsibility and accountability can be a shock to some, depending upon the type of parenting they've received.

Looking at my life over the past couple of weeks

facing the uncertainty of what may lay ahead

where before if there were uncertainty, we talked it through together.

Right now, that is not an option

as my husband lies in critical care at the best hospital in the universe (ref:  www.bafound.org ) acclaimed among peers, heavily sedated and kept paralyzed to avoid more vasospasms REF: Wikipedia ::...

I've become reflective as a means of coping

Answering on Quora gives me the opportunity to give my opinions based on my own experiences.  Taken at face value.  No acknowledgement or acclaim other than some votes.

The one challenge that Millennial populace share is the ability to ask for or heed advice.  The stronger, more centrally planted know who and how to reach out for advice without hesitation.  

When one puts into perspective the parenting most Millennial have is their is a strong likelihood their parents were on the bottom curve of Baby Boomers, barely a blip before the slight hilly curve of GenX emerged.  

1960-61 was one of the worst years in history to be born:  squeezed mightily by Baby Boomers on the one side, with their Millennial children imploding on the other:  whom I dub us "The INbetweeners" and evolved a blog talking about YUPPYdom:  the attitude of those beginning to adult in the 1980s to beginning to have the start of the Millennial generation starting in 1989.



1961:  the same year Obama was born ::... squeezed by the free era of free love, drugs & rock n roll baby boomer older siblings>  We have a unique perspective by those who are never afraid of expressing their opinion, less possible to be heard from the noise of the bigger, louder generation of Baby Boomers. 

Listening to your children is the best gift you can give them ... and this is coming from someone who is affectionately called "Chatty Cathy" by the love of my life:  Hunkster Hubster.

Yet all those times, hours, I sat among the kids, their friends, I was really listening to them.  What was going on in their world:  their guffaws and giggles and snorts when I confirmed that I was pretty isolated in some ways as a child.

What evolved was really being talked to:  hopes, dreams, drama, dilemmas going on in their world.  Since my answers often came across as goofy and naive, the rave of laughter was roaring in our home.  That's about when the Hunkster Hubster would puff out his chest and give his take on the matter, in a nutshell, with very few words, spoken in either his very soft voice that made people strain to hear him forcing them to really listen .... or he could boom out a command that filled the house up echoing from the walls.  If it was a cliche movie theme, Buddy would be howling in the background! 

I don't think there was any question among our motley crew of dreamers, schemers and believers that they could have an important conversation with their parents; their parental unit as it was at most time, togetherness, on the same wavelength.  It became interesting when everyone was contributing ideas, debating ideals.

The Hunkster Hubster and I were both born in 1961.  There is a level of understanding, belief systems ingrained in us that really makes us uniquely opposite in so many ways, while harmoniously in sink in others.  Especially the importance of children.

From that unified approach, it has guided us when we felt there were few answers.  Like now.  It's just sad that I can't share it with him right now.

ON CHILDREN: Lead by example

Quora.com invites me with increasing regularity to answer questions on relationships.  It is the least I can do:  share my own perspective and advice on parenting.  

I'm qualified:  I have 4 children:  3 girls and 1 boy.  Blended 2nd marriage to the "Hunkster Hubster" who often joins me in these discussions and when asked gives his perspective often.  Everyone in our family values his point of view and his judgement.

So, here is what I was asked to answer with the following my response:

 My daughter is 13 years old. She is an only child who cares much about what her peers think of her. When do I talk to her about sex and how do I approach it?


My first child (of 4) is the only boy.

As his mother, I read all the notes that came home and what curriculum was being covered. When I knew it was being covered shortly, I asked him conversationally if he knew about what was coming up in Health (where sex education falls under here in my part of Canada).
I made him a deal. I said that if he had any questions that he wanted to ask me instead of among his classmates he could.

It was an uncomfortable question. I answered it after clarifying a bunch of things to see where his understanding was or where he may be coming from. That was almost worse.

I answered honestly and it didn’t become a big deal.

NOTE: Any 13 year old girl for generations  rates peer acceptance as critical at this age  — only child, one of many — same thing.

Sex probably isn’t even on the table, if at all, she just does obsess and worry about what her/his peers think of her/him. 

 I’d be more concerned if it was a girl and it was boys, boys, boys about everything with little friendships among female peers.

If she wants to look good and not stand out. That’s normal.  She notices how other kids dress and wants to fit in.  (Him/her)

I would be more concerned with asking her questions that can help you identify her self-image — what may be/have influenced her perception of a positive self-image?

It is likely girls with low self-esteem are more susceptible to doing things with boys that is questionable rather than those busy with sports, extra-curricular activities, hobbies, activities, strong family ties.

Talking about sex didn’t surface until the girls were around 16 — where parental permission was still required for tattoos, piercings — which was a far more important discussion at the time than birth control.

If you worry about sex in an unwanted pregnancy kind of way, then you can go at an angle of annual physical check ups, especially around 15, on whether she would be needing any sort of birth control. (Standard response by abstaining girls: “Geez Mom/Dad that’s gross!”)

You could schedule to meet the school counselor to seek advice on when or how to broach the subject of sex with one’s child. They should be able to give you multitudes of resources: books to reads, website links.

With three girls, two years apart, with the youngest watching, taking in what the older two are talking about, ears open, who liked to report their goings on to me and ask her own questions.

Is there a boy in the picture? That is a bell ringing, as in your door bell. I kept steadfast rules for all: if they were going on a date or out with a boy, he had to come to the house to pick her up, to give us a chance to meet the lucky guy. There are likely signs that you’re picking up on that may challenge you to ask whether there was anything that needed asking or concerned about beyond what is scary for any parent.

Fingers crossed you have a warm, open, dialogue with any kid, so they will be comfortable with your inquiry for their well being, not inquisitive inquisition, or on the ready to pounce and start preaching. At 13, they tend to do the thing that is the most likely to bug you.

Remember, you are setting an example and providing the observance for a child. Heed your own actions and give them the right foundation to expect from healthy, loving relationships between boys and girls in the right circumstance and all the proper reasons.