"Show me someone without an ego, and I'll show you a loser." ~Donald Trump
Oh go blow it out your ear Donald Trump! My gosh, soon we'll be looking up "ego" in the dictionary and it will show it is synonymous with Donald Trump. But ... you gotta admit, it works for him. We can all think of people in our daily lives who should scale back on their ego and show some humility for a change. However, we tend to admire those same people, forgiving their confidence. What really is the difference between the two?
We talk about balance. We idolize Ghandi, Mother Theresa, and the Dalai Lama. I'm happy for that. For while we admire the courage and tenacity of many of our fellowship we tend to tune out their egotisti-cal rants don't we? Wouldn't we rather be considered to be more like Ghandi or Mother Theresa, giving of ourselves, wisdom and insights to benefit all of humanity? Social media or internet is certainly not the place where humility resides. Take a spin through Twitter or Facebook or even a blog and you will read "me or I" far more times than "we or us". What a complicated world we live in today. We admire those with the biggest egos, considering it as strength and we take pity on those who fade in the background, overtaken by the mighty.
If anything, take a chapter from our lives and rewrite it. We can work on our humility and be more caring of others. That would bring us to the closest thing to true happiness than anything. We think the world expects us to be strong, confident, self-assured then it throws curveballs at us that make us want to shrivel up and hide. Why is it that the nicest people are not who come to mind whenever we think of heroes or idols? Living a life surrounded by those others' egos will only make us feel more disappointed in ourselves. You must realize that you have the ability to make a change. You can tune out those people, avoid hanging out with them, avoid listening to their music, their talks, their preaching.
Many people have religion to find their inner peace. Then they go on about their lives listening or hanging out with those pillars we admire. Break that habit and you will slow down that turmoil that churns within. You are perfectly fine in who you are. You are nice, people like you, and you are always reaching out a hand. It is the ego that asks you why don't people appreciate that quality or acknowledge how meaningful you are. We take nice people for granted and we look up to those who are always reminding us how great they are. We are shocked when we find out someone we admire was really warped or severely depressed. How can we not have known? It's quite simple. We're wired to listen to people talk about themselves, their achievements, their money, their power, their glory. We avoid those that don't make us feel good about ourselves. Or, at least we should. We may, in principle, even take solid steps in doing things and being around people who make us feel good about ourselves. Those are the people that don't make us feel like we've fallen short, or that we should feel honored by their attention.
The egotistical don't give us friendship.Heck, we are their fan club. We bolster their image with our devotion, asking little in return. Our faces turn upwards and they sense the admiration. We are to blame for fueling that image. How can we combat the need to have idols or those to worship? Knowledge. If we feed our brains with good nutrition, we will have little thoughts that can strike us down. So what if you're not tall, or handsome, slim or good in sports. Everyone and I mean E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E has something that they are good at. Swipe aside those meaningless people or time wasters that deteriorate confidence, and promise yourself to find your true passion.
“If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace because you know what you are ~Mother Teresa
Silence those thoughts that jump out to alert you to life's shortcomings and instead fill yourself with views more meaningful. Some of the most desperate,depressed geniuses in our time were mere humans who expressed themselves creatively.Think about Ernest Hemingway. He had a profound impact on literature and jump to knowing he was manic depressive. How many know that one of his first jobs was an ambulance driver in the first world war? He left behind his legacy of writing that most likely evolved from his many disappointments of 4 marriages. It was from multiple plane crashes in Africa, he sustained chronic pain for the rest of his life. What about Van Gogh? There are a few things you probably didn't know about Vincent Van Gogh. He was a serious, silent and thoughtful child. At one time, he worked as an unpaid supply teacher in a small boarding school. He wasn't so lucky in relationships. In fact, he had a domestic arrangement with an alcoholic prostitute. He had a difficult relationship with his religious father and didn't quite measure up to his expectations. Van Gogh was also ill from drink and suffered a smoker's cough. The events that led him to slice off his ear are legend and the stories many. Sadly, after years of anxiety and frequent bouts of mental illness, he died aged 37 from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
Wowzers eh? Here we have a couple of the greatest creative geniuses and we find out that they had miserable lives. Sound familiar?
You don't have to be down in the dumps before real gifts can emerge. By contrast, we don't have to look far to read or see some reference to Steve Jobs, considered one of our generations, and perhaps history will agree, gift visionaries. By all accounts, he had a normal, solid upbringing with two loving parents who encouraged his intelligence. Jobs was no saint by any means. This is the same man who stole the computer mouse idea from Xerox. He was as well known by his body odor as he was by his temper. How many founders can say that they were fired from their own companies they created? Maybe it was bad karma for stealing the most of the spotlight fromApple Computer and his co-founder Steve Wozniak These examples are written to emphasize that no matter how great someone seems, they may be masters at something, but often less so in their personal lives. I don't want to leave the impression that in order to be great, you have to have a little bit of craziness. What I want to emphasize is that those heroes were mere mortals, with demons and shortcomings. You are ahead of the game.
Promise yourself to let go of what is past, as though floating behind the winds of change. Carve out what matters to you and seek to study it and define your own niche. The beauty of this world, is that you can basically grasp so many opportunities. Take the word "but" out of your vocabulary and don't replace it with "however" either (like me). Be equally careful with "yet" "nonetheless" or "still". They are show stoppers. They are your signal that you are going to say or think something negative. Get a "Dream Journal". Cut and paste the best quotes, inspirations that resonate with you and tack them in there. Create only one rule: you only write or keep things that are positive. Focus on the good and write it down. You don't have to tell anyone about it. You don't want to turn it into a brag book either. We're not talking about a closet ego. Just finding peace in the now, looking for the things that make you excited by the endless possibilities. Doodle, color, or sketch in it if that floats your boat. This is not a place where ego resides. You cannot keep regrets, dwell on bitterness, or whine about what could have been -- remember those things floated away in the past by winds of change. One step at a time, one day at a time. You have just decided that Ernest can keep his legacy, Van Gogh can stay in museums. Because you are going to be somebody you decide you want and will be.
e·go·tis·ti·cal
ˌēɡəˈtistək(ə)l/
adjective
excessively conceited or absorbed in oneself; self-centered.
Today was a wonderful day. Yes the weather was fab, it was Sunday, everywhere I went everyone was in a good mood. Why wouldn't they? Perhaps there are people out there that don't bow to their God by going to church, or do chores instead of spending dinner with family, or simply don't know how to look a gift horse in the mouth? Definitely, some days are like pushing water uphill. I love that saying as it communicates overcoming insurmountable odds, or despair by one's choices or who they surround themselves by. Today I was on holidays. Who isn't on holidays on a Sunday, many would say. Yet, I truly am on holidays. You see, I work a lot of Sundays during the day and it is less likely to be off on a Sunday if I was not on a holiday.
Probably there were many times I took Sunday for granted. Stayed in bed too long, nursed a hangover or bowed to her Royal Laziness. Today, I spent it with my daughter. Two minutes from where I live, I'm on a highway out into the country. Big deal? Well, absolutely. Because, you see, people from all around the world come to my corner to see cowboys, mountains, fresh air, hike, fish or just take in the surroundings I can see in meir minutes. It amplifies how little one has to complain about. Sure, I'd always wanted a country mansion or a tropical paradise called my own. But today, I just sucked in the air, looked at the beauty around me and really thought: yeh, this is what striving for a balanced life is all about. My husband had a buddy over working on his car. My daughter came with me to just go where our travels would take us, with no agenda other than hang out. The bills are paid, I'm on holidays. I'm not in the midst of jet lag at a destination that I spent a few brain cells deciding where to go, what to pack, what time to make it to the airport, would the accommodations be suitable, the resort top notch and whether they have a pool bar. No list beckons me, as per my usual fair. I'm on holidays, I don't have to have a list or a plan.
I've balanced my act. I'm not whining about what I don't have, or taking stock of what I should have had. I am content to absorb and enjoy the fortune I do have. We drove down the beautiful highway, passing by and sometimes passed by many a folk out driving motorcycles, refurbished hot rods, or speeding convertibles. What mattered was who was beside me. My daughter. I got it. There have been times when she'd make me want to pull my hair out, be quieter or be more serious. Well, she'd been doing way too much and being way too serious. It was mom and daughter therapy. Whenever I get the slightest inclination where my jaw starts to open with a jolt from the brain to complain, I have to think of her. Yes, I certainly did get to figure skate most of my growing up and that took commit-ment, but she fits in her love of soccer while working three jobs, getting ready to return to her second year of university. I didn't have to work that many jobs. I didn't drive a $600 car. In fact, I didn't drive a car at all. I had to rely on charm to hitch a ride or suck it up and take transit. Heck, I didn't have a car to hear a funny knock or a shimmying start until after I got married. Nor did I have a smartphone to look up what that noise could mean. Now, I have a husband who was going to lift the hood to check on her theories while we took off on our own. We drove into this tiny little town and our first stop was a thrift shop. Now, we're not talking about a big charity almost department store. It was an honest to goodness cash only (leave your city attitude behind) and elderly lovely couple with a cat who supervised the shop. I bought another purse I didn't need and a pair of tan shorts that are at least two sizes too big. Next stop appealed to the yearn of our appetites responding to the fresh, country, carefree air we found ourselves in. An all day diner that every couple or group that sat down were told by their friendly, cheerful staff that they could have breakfast or dinner. We sat at the counter and got to watch slices of pies march in front of our eyes. It was an easy choice to split our grilled chicken sandwich, smothered in a secret home made sauce with the greenest lettuce and reddest tomatoes fit for a food commercial. Yes, we shared a piece of pie ... even though my daughter said she was "good" as is her way of politely saying "no" while still sharing a good half of the "Hawaiian Pie" ... I must be getting old because I lifted my fork and looked at the light airy flakey crust, melting between a combination pudding, pineapples bits topped with whip cream. We walked out pleasantly satiated without being stuffed. We headed home, stopping in a few more boutiques along the way, without pulling out a wallet. The younger version of me kicked in when I thought I may be ahead of the game after spotting a dress that would be perfect for my stepdaughter's wedding next year. My daughter ventured back out when we got home to join up with her friends, one of which was going on to Toronto to continue her law degree. Huh, thinking about it now, a little has rubbed off. Perhaps she now knows and believes, that your life is your own balancing act. It throws curveballs at you sometimes, but if you uphold quality friendships and relationships you have plenty who will let you lean on them.
I was content to spend the evening with my husband, where we both were satisfied with our day. He may have got more done with the work on his buddy's car and checking my daughter's. But the dividends of spending the day with my daughter and having him to come home to does remind me that for all the years of striving to balance my life, it has actually hit a rhythm that is wonderful.
I'm flabbergasted. I'm wheeling in the blown away zone after watching the best film I have seen in years: "The Hundred Foot Journey" #thehundredfootjourney a hashtag to go wild if I had my way. This wonderfully crafted story unfolds when two worlds collide and they get .. ummm ... ahhhh.... how do you say it? Spicey! I was profoundly touched by the hidden messages in the tale that shines a brilliant light on how we have biases and racism not by our own hand, but by the world we grow up in. The story demonstrates how we can have set prejudices without really knowing it. Regardless of which side of the story you find yourself leaning towards, it reflects a new world identification system. It surrounds us daily subconsciously. We humans are so caught up in class system that is so far submersed, we do it automatically while its origins was carved in the world of India. From afar, the rest of us collectively exude a behavior we identify with when we think of this unique culture :
thriftiness (aka cheap)
bargains
traditions
family dynamics
religion
Bollywood
Rarely would a European or North American Caucasion person identify India descendents to be:
genius minds
food master chefs
sex symbols
musical marvels
creative icons
Regardless of whether you can associate with the origin or excellence from either side, The Hundred Foot Journey shatters all perceptions. From the fireworks emerges a tale of a triumphant jubilee for viewers.
Yes, I reckon that the explosive creative pinacle is based on the latest hip theme of Foodie. Toss out your prejudices and disperse your preconceptions and absorb the splendor of entertainment at the finest.
Similar to the food world's Michelin stars, movie goers should revolt if the movie doesn't win an Oscar for best film. This sleeper hit evolved from gifted storytelling in Richard Morais' 2011 novel with the brilliant adaptation of Steven Knight and talented cinematography interpreted by Lass Hallstrom. An art film or society statement, take your choice.
Allow me introduce you to a movie you will want to see by sharing the official trailer searched for and found on my trusted source for video You Tube.
It has a good old fashion feel with a really great vibe. It dislodges us and allows us to escape from all our worry about the environment, our careers, our family, our finances, our society, violence, government, our economy, our health, our peace of mind, our paranoias forgotten while enveloped into this wonderful journey.
From left: Helen Miran, Manish Dayal and Charlotte Le Bon
It is led by the magnificent cast of the well known (Helen Miran aka from The Queen), getting to known Om Puri and the unknown soon to be very well known (Manish Dayal now of InstaGRAM fame and French Canadian
From left: Oprah Winfrey, Helen Miran and Steven Spielberg
Sit back and take in this celebration of cinematic roots with your loved one or loved ones. It will move you back to carefree times and family antics that drive us crazy, we survive, and great recollections to draw poignant memories from.
If you are still not convinced that you should jump on NetFlix or bring out the wallet on iTunes, let me tell you why it's a favorite:
There is an underdog who emerges as a champion for us to cheer on.
There is watching the development of relationships from family, to love interest, to companionship, friendship or rivalry.
There is that steal-the-movie supporting-actor who reminds us fondly of a crazy but lovable father or uncle.
There is a love story between a Princess (of cuisine) and her knight in shining armour (blazing with Michelin stars no less).
Where the rich and sometimes not always famous frolick together in harmony by joining in heavenly cuisine -- where foodies relate to.
It yields to the yearn of its target audience: Baby Boomers, Families, Dates, Girls Night Out, Pajama Party, Movie Fanatics or a Sunday Night movie.
Where market and audience celebrate the unique message and widespread appeal.
From left, Manish Dayal, Helen Miran
Join me, together with @optioneerJM, to spread the word on Twitter, Facebook, Google Plus, InstaGram, Tumblr and Pinterest so others can share the pleasant gold old fashion experience. Show your support and belief that peace can be amongst us and we can actually enjoy our own uniqueness in culture, religion or region and embrace those wonders. I promise you, it will capture your spirit and inspire you to believe that war is as big as a war becomes. Yet, with understanding, cohesiveness, togetherness, humanity, and belief in the impossible we gather the spell that this tale puts us under.
Did I forget to mention that this magical experience was made possible because of Dreamworks Pictures that its fore founder would be proud of, Walt Disney (1901-1966):
All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
Seriously considering your life mate? How does one really know? I recommend you take a trip and travel with the man of your dreams ... see how he reacts over airport security, flight delays, luggage mishaps, hotel shortcomings, bathroom usage, where dirty clothes end up, eating schedule/choices, all-inclusive aka free drinks galore, babes in bikinis (gawker or glancer), packed airline, uncomfortable beds, seats; and just about anything else that spells disillusion or disaster.
I am constantly preaching to my 21 and 22 year old beautiful daughters that now that they're beyond puppy love or perceived deep love of their teens, relationships get more complicated as we take on more responsibilities in life:
EDUCATION: University, training,
Commitment: work, schedules, work out
Spending time with family
Moving out on your own
Extra curricular golf, hockey, football, TV channel surfing, remote controlling gamers
Money matters (going for dinner means you always pull out your wallet)
Temptations: alcohol, drugs, fast lifestyle
Sleeping habits (blanket hog, snorer)
Friends (need a lot of boys nights out?)
Couple friends (healthy ones)
Goals in life
Those are all beyond the recommended conversations therapists, experts say you should have. I knew of a guy who was engaged for a couple of years and when they were finally setting the date for the nuptials, he found out she never, wouldn't, ever have kids. That was the opposite of his spectrum. He was getting married because he had thought he had met the ideal mate to parent with and that was his reason for getting married: to have kids. In desperate reaction and panic, he started to host singles parties. The guest list were single, eligible ladies, young or same age, in his own version of speed dating: line them up and check them out. I fell of the radar willingly and never did find out how his wife made the grade. Yes, he's a dad and even goes by the title of Dadpreneur (not an uncommon title if you start trying to narrow down the likely suspect).
This particular fellow probably had himself as priority in all boxes for ticking off. Spend time with me, move where I want to be, my friends, my goals, my lifestyle. I'd be surprised if he wasn't a blanket hog and snorer which means dearly beloved move yourself on to the couch if it bothers you when you aren't giving birth, getting up in the wee hours, to tend to his offspring. The only pictures with the chip off the old block are photo ops where he looks like the world's best dad, meanwhile flying around promoting himself.
No, lol, I didn't marry him and that doesn't describe me. Sometimes our radars are on high alert and we can sniff a doomed partner from a mile away. Then why do we sometimes end up with someone so different that fit into our criteria? Philosophical and spiritual leanings tend to say it is fate. We sometimes fall for someone who reminds you of your father (mother) who you weren't that close to, but because we want a second go at it. Chances are the qualities you dislike in your father will be cloned in that man of your perceived dreams.
I suggest you heed the warning that if drinking in a club brought you together, that may be the major activity you share. Romantic notions of snuggling to watch Rom-Coms are ditched by speed, gun slugging, car speeding action movies (which is okay if you're into that ... if not, get used to it).
I recommend you pay attention to the little things....because the thoughtful gifts, flowers, candlelight dinners dim drastically by the second year. Be skeptical that he is courting you and it may not last forever. The acrobatics in bed can turn into napping on the couch and the Honey-DO list that never gets done. Hope and prayer ... and then be thankful for the thoughtful consideration he pays towards you. Don't fall for the looks, fall for the behavior. Who wants to be with a man you have to fight over the mirror with?
A tinkerer is great. They're always fooling around with a tool and home to do it. They are not as boring as you think. He can whip up Thanksgiving Dinner, gravy and all, leaving you to set the gorgeous table, do the inviting, and look refreshed and relaxed to enjoy the wonderful spread ... not washed out, beaten, tired from spending all day in the kitchen. Why is it that men who can cook look vibrant, have a sense of humor, fun side and care for others. That's not macho some say? Well the macho, testosterone is sexy and most appealing up to around your 40s but can be boring long long before then.
A caregiver is sexy. He is up at the crack of dawn, rarely breaks a sweat and always be counted on to show up to work regardless of the sniffles, a bruise tooling around, or slicing his finger making you a key lime pie from scratch or a lime cocktail (one or two, not a dozen). He has a job, a career, and a vision of who he wants to be and where he wants to end up. He's not coasting from one room mate to the next, over staying his welcome, and moving on because he owes favors, money or both.
Why are you reading this for heaven's sake? You know better girl. You don't expect a man who will be so rich and into himself that he only needs a trophy. You want to be someone, make a difference in your field, your passion, your career, your family. Don't blame yourself that you only want a partner who wants to rise above it all and make a life you love and love living.
"Courage is not the absence of fear; it is action in the presence of fear. Bold people do what they know they should do -- not what they feel like doing." ~Joyce Meyer
Yep, so get to it. Stop imagining what you want: remember that saying that goes along with the line of things happen to those who are busy doing, not making plans.
Hitting the big 5-0 rarely seems like a breeze for anyone. Mid-life crisis, empty nest syndrome, sagging muscles, self realization, and a great number of thoughts float through our inner peace. When you are in your teens your are into the moment, 20s into the future, 30s survival, 40s breeze and 50s panic.
Pablo Picasso
When you arrive in this point in your life, your self conscious goals leep into your present mind, to question whether you have accomplished what you were thinking you would by now, while young enough to still regroup and make the most of life.
Realization that health is paramount strikes like a snake ready to bite you. Have you looked after yourself as well as you could of? Are you happy in love with your partner and content to sail through to your twilight years with your choice. Or, become restless wanting to be who you are meant to be.
Younger people think you are OLD by now - and that insults you. Do you try to make up for that by stylizing yourself to look hip, happening and carefree? What about settling in to the present, give yourself credit for the multiple of hurdles you've overcome to arrive at where you are instead of bitterness towards life, people, events? You cannot change the past and you can't predict the future. You can only control what you do today in this present minute.
You have it within yourself to make decisions of magnitude proportions. Wipe the slate clean. Forget the unforgettable. Forgive the unforgiveable. Move forward towards the unknown with an optimism that will most likely extend your life, settle your restlessness and guide you to make a difference today.
If you MUST. Do an inventory. Not materialistically, because that is a losing battle. The likelihood of winning the lottery is unrealistic. Think of your parents, relatives, and consider them in their 70s and 80s and if lucky beyond. Did the turmoil in their younger years settle down and gracefully guide them? Do you recognize their wisdom to know what can be done now, in the present? Do you listen? Learn from that reflection. It will give you strength to embrace all the great things you have and may be in store.
Grasp you spirituality, write, enjoy art, photography, and all those things that bring you inner joy. Color, doodle, go for walks in a park and breath in the air, enjoy the fresh smell of cut grass. Spend every spare moment with friends and loved ones who bring you joy.
You are no longer in a space in your life where you are judged by your accomplishments as much as by how you look -- exuding optimism, not regrets, making others want to be in your sphere. Wisdom is yours to dispense, don't waste it on anyone who doesn't want to listen. Even if you know that they are on a rocky road and understand that there is nothing you can do to prevent it. Be there to listen, give advice when only asked.
You've made it this far and many others consider you young. Don't waste your time on anything or anyone who makes you feel old. Don't deny your age by behavior that shouts to the world that you are having trouble dealing with it. The world doesn't care. It is your issue. Recoup and file away that fight for eternal youth. Appreciate you have arrived where you are from pain, regrets, disappointments ... let go of the heart's battle scars.
Homage to Pablo Picasso by John Nolan
Be creative in your zone. Write, blog, take photography lessons, a financial course ... whatever floats your boat. It is only your's to embrace. You have the power and force to sail through this phase regardless of the bumps you had to reach it. Understand and be empowered knowing and observing that others are climbing those past hills, that you survived and brought you survival. Be proud of who you are. Forgive if you haven't been the inventor, psychologist, artist, writer, business whiz you thought you were or would continue to be. You have a roof over your head, love in your heart, food in your belly and innovation to be whimsical. Aging forgives that and allows you to do that. You are no longer in judgment mode, you are in being mode.
You haven't arrived at your destination. You are still on a journey. How you handle it will determine the strength of character you possess. Be a positive inspiration to those around you who marvel at your grace, class, and distinction.
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind. It doesn't matter." ~Mark Twain
